Binty

It's very awkward with the stray just chilling in the living room not doing anything... but ... well...I mean what is she going to do?... Preferably not sush me when she's on skype. How could I know you're on Skype.. no one is saying anything? 
Did I tell you why she's here? Long story short: Brother in law kicked her out of his home bc if stray wasn't working for him then she can't live there and she gets treated badly at his work (tell me about it!)... up for a US tourist visa Dec 8th so she can move in with her lover in the US.. who would be happy to come here but his job pays well... hoping to find a job where she can work and live in until she gets a visa.
I really do feel bad for her. Also for my mom who will be seeing my apartment for the first time with a stray in it. But mostly for the stray, who is sitting in the living room quietly crying.
Roomie hasn't been home all weekend. She completely left this poor girl. And I want to scream at her.

...

I just went and gave her a glass of wine and a hug.

...

Unrelated:

The blinkers in Binty seem to be only working when she's cold this winter... it makes no sense. And is unlike every other winter where the blinkers only worked when the car was hot. *sigh* So not that I have indoor parking, the car isn't cold enough or warm enough for the blinkers to work...
I care to win the lotto.

Strays and Personalities

Roomie took in a stray human. Well, stray to me. And Roomie has only known her for a month. Turns out Stray is incredibly kind and is stuck between being an independant girl and a religious Israeli. She went with independence..., which came at the cost of her home and her job. She starts a new one in a week or so, so she's crashing on the sofa until then. 
Stray does the dishes; it's nice.


Unrelated:
Does it make me an alcoholic if I was going to write in my blog and go to bed but decided I want a glass of wine with that blog? It IS 4:30am... technically 5:30am since the clocks went back...


Unrelated:
Roomie was telling me about this great personality test she took on line (http://www.kwml.com) and how the personalities are grouped into titles like warrior or king. It takes 15minutes. I'm going to do it right now.... as soon as I put my pjs on and get out of these stupid bartending clothes. Please. Don't let the suspense kill you.


5 minutes later....


I'm 46.2% Warrior, 38.5% Lover, and 15.4% Magician


(no Queen here..?)


WARRIOR

STRENGTHS

• Confident
• Focused
• Independent

WEAKNESSES

• Harsh
• Impulsive
• Insensitive

WARRIOR NOTABLES

Russell Crowe, Gwen Stefani, Dick Cheney, Margaret Thatcher, Madonna, Demi Moore, Rob Zombie, Carl Lewis, Pink, Venus Williams, Donald Rumsfeld, Oprah, Teddy Roosevelt, Jack Welch, Justin Timberlake, Jennifer Lopez, Hugh Hefner, Miranda (Sex and the City)

Confident, competitive, and analytical, you are a fierce and steady protector of your friends, family, and all things you hold dear. You're extremely ambitious, targeted, and determined—almost to a fault of being self-centered—and are an undeniable force of industriousness.

While you're logical, orderly, and respect the rules like the King and Queen, you're much more assertive and always ready to dive into action or conflict. Because you prefer to be somewhat isolated, you tend to have few very good friends, but these friends definitely count on you whenever there's a task to be done with precision.

---

Location on the cognitive-emotional spectrum
Located in the lower left quadrant of this spectrum, your personality reflects your strong emotional sense of confidence. Your style of thinking tends to be more left-brained— logical, sequential, rational, and objective.

---

Attractions
Located on the other end of the spectrum, your perfect opposite is a nurturing and creative Lover.

---

Quick read
To find out if someone is a Lover, get their attention by speaking softly and touching them lightly, perhaps on the shoulder. Then say "I can tell you have a lot of feelings and stories to share. Can you tell me one?" If they light up and respond to your emotional sensitivity, you have found a Lover. You've also given that person exactly the positive emotional energy they need.

---

Advice
"Give up the battle to win the war:" Dare to be occasionally weak to be seen as "real" to others and find that enemies can become friends if you let them have a bit of the power.

Umm...Can we just talk about the "Quick Read"?.. Because if someone came up to me and whispered "I can tell  you have a lot of feelings to share, can you tell me one?" while gently touching me, I'd bag them and run before they put me in the back of their rape van with all of the other 26 year olds that look like they're 17... just sayin'. And if that is your advice KWML, I will be single forever.

Also, if I'm 38.5% lover, and the opposite end of the spectrum is my lover match, doesn't that mean that lover is not my match? Just sayin.. the lover type seems kind needy and a little weak and I would just like to say that I write (youuuu'rrrre reading it!) and write poetry and I make people laugh (it's my thing). So wait.. my love match is kind of like me but way more "intuned"?.. Aren't those people annoying? I don't get it. Still going to be single forever.

And while they summary of moi was kind of accurate, it was a 1/4 chance so it's not that amazing of a test....

But for your information:

Like the greatest rulers in history, Kings and Queens bring people together with knowledge and nurturing

Protective, orderly, and wise, Kings and Queens are disciplined leaders and excellent advisors who like to make and play by the rules. While they prefer to oversee and issue commands without necessarily being the ones to carry them out, they're also very compassionate and nurturing—sometimes to a fault of being passive. Lovers of learning characterized by wisdom, Kings and Queens enjoy giving advice and others often seek it from them.

At their best within the confines of their own "castle," Kings and Queens prefer that which is safe, secure, and known. No surprise then that they're most comfortable interacting one-on-one with those they love or want to know better, and that their confidence looses steam in new situations.

At the center of celebration and spectacle, Magicians inspire us with confidence and delight

Creative, adventurous, and energetic, Magicians are the life of the party and people are naturally drawn to their spirit and confidence. They often inspire awe with their magical ability to multitask and exercise "street smarts." Not only do they dream big, Magicians actually make those dreams happen. Because they're naturals at making things happen that would seem impossible to most others, Magicians do especially well in performance and sales roles.

While Magicians are full of emotional confidence like the Warrior, they're much more outgoing and outlandish, which often puts them at the center of celebration and spectacle.

With a gift for art and mystery, Lovers share a deeper meaning and vision of the world

Creative, intuitive, and deeply caring, Lover's minds and spirits are open and capable of expressing deep meaning in the world. They represent the artists and idealists of society—the romantics, the insightful poets and writers, the musicians and painters, the fools who make us laugh with joy—and their gifts of art and mystery resonate powerfully.

While nurturing like Kings and Queens, and artistic like Magicians, Lovers sometimes lack the ability to speak up and stand their ground, and have a tendency to be passive and introverted.

I QUUUIT!

It's a long story...

But the short is this.

So last Friday i have a random meeting with HR (we’ll call her Mira), which i thought nothing of because the Front Office is longer allowed to hold meetings with staff without HR present because they break protocol and fuck up and mistreat staff (i’m so enraged and stressed I want to supier type but i have ‘nails’ bc of the stupid job requesting it.. grrr).

So I worked, Saturady Sunday and Monday… And Friday was awkward bc my direct boss, let’s call  her Chef, was very childish after our meeting.

Our meeting involved me and Chef and her boss, let’s call him Say (baahaha). They presented to HR that I was being ridiculous and impossible to schedule because at least once a month I want time off. Mira : So… why does Bobbi keep requesting it? BC THEY WON’T GIVE IT TO ME!!! I think i’ve told you this.

Meeting ends with management getting their made up lieu days taken away because they, like the rest of the world have to earn them. Well imagine that doesn’t strike the “i love bobbi” bell. No ringing occurs.

Say bbms me (after me telling him to not bbm me for work, fucking call me, we’re not friends) asking me to come into to work for 2:30pm. I start at 4pm. With no explanation as to why I still went  to work for 2:30, but didn’t get suited and punched in until 2:45pm. Turns out I missed another HR meeting. So I was sent home for no reason.

WELL, inquiring minds want to know. I’m told that I can’t work until I meet with Mira regarding what’s best for the hotel.

Did i mention that i was the best front desk agent until i was promoted to concierge? Or that I have 2 weeks left until my concierge probation is done. Did i mention the chef is my boss, who is the hotels directors best friend and she thinks i don’t do enough administratively (uuumm.. I do customer service not date entry unless time permits)? Did i mention i still do both jobs and about 50 hours a week? Did i mention that guests request me, write about me and love me? Did i mention that i’m only allowed to work evenings because i’m too pretty to just work days? Their words, not mine.

5pm today:

Mira Say and I.

Say told me he thinks the best fit for me and the hotel operations is for me to move back to front desk. Mira asked I felt about that. I said, not good because people treat those girls like shit and no management supports them. Because what i’ve done in 2.5 months for the hotel the chef hasn’t done in 6months since we opened and because i know you’re demoting me rather than giving me the extra day off i keep requesting.

Say told me it’s not like that and the connections i’ve built won’t go to waste because now that there is no evening or weekend concierge i can use those connections from the front desk because the front desk will have to cover the concierge. I laughed. So did Mira.

I said no. Mire said, “bobbi by not working at the front desk, the only offer is nothing”

I said, “So another way to word that would be, I quit.”

Silence.

Say asked me to work till the schedule ends tomorrow  and I said yes… and then realized there’s only some much ware a mat can take till it gets worn and caught in the door. So I said, never mind, I quit right now.

Mira said that she sees what is ‘happening’ and will pay me, even though when a person resigns that’s it. She’s paying me for the time they took from me this week and next week.

Accounting hugged me, Housekeeping and banquets offered me references as well as 2 front office managers and  Say wants to “talk”.

I feel wasted and used up. I feel like i’ve just planned an epic anniversary party for my love and he showed up anware it was our anniversary with a cheating secret in his back pocket. Bc that’s happened too.

And stupid NBA is my bbm buddy and he’s reading my status trying to keep up with whatever asking what’s up and saying : i’m here love. I’m not your fucking love. I’m some broad you think will follow you around the globe and fuck you and be some stupid arm candy.

I’m really smart. And i’m honest. And i’m a hard worker. And i’m incredibly caring. And i will give you whatever you need and at least whatever you want. I’m just asking that for once you give that back to me. Whoever you are.

I’m burnt out.  And i’m crying over this damn laptop alone pretending like, to all of you, that this is okay. But what the fuck am i going to do?

The club i bartend at said they’d give me my shifts back, which will cover my expenses. But that’s not enough bobbi!! People don’t live on pride and expectations of something better. We live on money and the people we know. And i’ve spent 25 years living on with and off of my family. Lord knows they love they have for me doesn’t translate to dollars bills, or else we’d all be rich.

Fucking Mama is bbming telling me to get my shit together, that this is a pot hole and to dry my eyes and that i’m better than what i’ve left behind. My dad doesn't let me cry either. Damn you Mama.SWEAT. Blood. Tears; no the opposite he says- so sometimes I cry anyways.

Everyone (at the hotel) thinks they’ll call me back.

My real Mama doesn’t know; no one in my family does...But she reads my blog. I didn’t want to tell you this way Mom, but you read this and i appreciate that. I love you! And i’m good. I didn’t have two jobs all this time for fun! I’ll just have to cut back on saving for now; but i’m good and thank you for all of your support. I'll see you Tuesday; can;t wait

<3

A trip to Waterloo to visit my nephew (cutest human ever), sister and sister.

I went to the grocery store with my little sis who get's 10% off on Tuesdays (score) but found that I was displeased with the fresh fruit and veggie selection... so instead wandered the aisles while she shopped. I went down the baby aisle wondering about baby food prices... and everything was on sale!
So I stared at the pablum, and the "mixed dinners" and tried to remember what sampled well from when I was a nanny (and just wanted to confirm that the reason pablum is good is not because of the breast milk.... as I've wandered through life wondering if I'd tasted those beautiful kids lunch and it was their moms milk that made it so delightful, which is alarming.. very alarming.).
I got some apple sauce, turkey dinner, sweet potato and beef and chicken something or other, as well as the 8mo+ wheat pablum. It was going to be for my nephew.
But I've been nibbling on it instead of oatmeal. It's good.
Don't judge me.

And if you choose to judge me, please wait until after tomorrows blog, which I'm sure will be filled with angst, anger or sorrow. I'm pretty sure that I'm getting demoted at work so they don't have to give me a holiday. Appointments at 5pm.
Send me good vibrations.

Mr. Fix It?...

Nothing needed to be fixed, just put together.

Ikea should come with a "singles" checkout: if you're single you can checkout there and select a partner to help you put together your shit. I could've used a man... and  I'm sure few men would debate getting hot and sweaty with me in my bedroom.
I've been putting together a desk and dresser since 9:30pm.... it's 4:00am. Granted I cleaned my room, put things away, moved things around and did laundry but still.

The box should've said: WARNING, 2 PERSONS REQUIRED TO ASSEMBLE... Then I wouldn't have felt so defeated half way through.
And I would've had a p.i.c.

It's all good. It's all done. I just need a drill and a level to complete the blinds.

ummm... Do drills come with a handy man?...

Nightdreams

I just went to crawl into bed and totally forgot about the escapades that happened in my bed last night and hd to remake it.

I remember dreaming about having to take my duvet cover off. Immediately. I forget why. I woke up with the duvet totally ripped out and my pillows all over and the duvet scratching my face. wtf?!

The other day I woke up cuddling a pair of slippers.

Perfectly normal, I'm sure.

Profiling

As previously mentioned I live in the ghetto... like kid got shot between the eyes just down the road ghetto, drugs deals, coke heads, don't walk alone at night ghetto. And while the 'brothers' in the hood are pretty protective, doesn't make this place any less gansta!
So... I'm driving home from work tonight (which was followed with wine and dinner) and I get 2 blocks from my street and I turn the corner only to be behind a cop. cool... monitoring safe following distance while trying to remember if I have any outstanding offenses. At the next corner, I go straight, he goes right, both streets lead to Bloor, just the street I took runs directly into my little street after you cross bloor, the coppers does not. I saw him at the corner at the lights as I went straight. He turned left to follow me. No big deal, lots of coppers in the area; it is after all, ghetto. I turn onto my street, which basically just has my building on it. He turns onto my street. I pull into the garage driveway, roll down my window, think about getting out and asking what's up, but instead punch in my code and head down into the garage, but not until after I watch the copper write down my plate or maybe the make of my car.

Dear Copper,

Let me tell you about my car.

It is a 2001 Hyundai Accent, gold with a blue hood (long story) and dents all around, none of which were my fault. Her name is Binty. Sometimes the right tail light goes out because the fuse blows easily. The blinkers don't work when the car is cold. It's dirty, inside and out. The cd player is great but the right rear speaker is blown, the ceiling rattles and the back window wasn't installed properly so dust blows in. The windows are kind-of tinted, just enough, but not really. She needs an alignment, new tires and new wheel bearings on the front as well as new break pads and shoes on the back. The washer fluid tank is full but the pump only works sometimes and if you don't use two hands to roll up the drivers side window, the window slides out of the frame. Oh, and when you hit a bump, the passenger window opens a notch.
Binty is insured.

I, Bobbi, drive Binty. I have a clean record, a degree, a job, good family, good friends and good intentions. I speed. A lot. I dream about owning a brand new car and buying it in cash so I don't have to worry about all the little faults Binty has.

So... Copper?
 I do not appreciate you following me home and taking down my plate and making me feel like I'm doing something wrong. How is you following me taking, down my info and doing nothing about it, doing your job? How will you pulling me over tomorrow make this world a safer place? It's bad enough that my job makes me feel like I'm not quite enough, I don't need you taking a gander at Binty and I and assuming I fit right into this ghetto.
Fuck You. :)