Major Events in History...

When I was kid I used to pay attention to the papers and the tv, events at school and in the community to see what cool things happened on Feb 19th- my birthday. I remember one year, I was like 7 or 8, Leons was having a big sale. Maybe I was older. But nothing was ever happening.
But this time of year for a birthday sucks. People are just starting to get over their holiday debts, saving for vacations, are bummed out because of the weather, bitter from Valentines day- just kind of burned out in general. This time of year people are looking forward to one thing- summer. Or at least a hint of spring ( I know I am!!).
I thought of that because I'm just watching Criminal Minds Suspect Behaviour on line (should be memorizing lines) and a commercial came on saying that Rona is having a sale this weekend. lol. Something, besides my anniversary, is happening this weekend. It's funny- reminded me of the past. Which is funny.

Slightly Related:
I've had two birthday parties in my life- I won one from CJCS radio and had it at McDonalds and the other a few years after my parents divorced- I believe my 12th birthday.

After that my family couldn't really afford them and I didn't really think much of them. But I'm having 2 this year. One on the 19th, one on the 24th and of course headed home on the 21st for a crazy 24 hours with my family. It's all going to be good.
I'm making my own history. 

Bullet for Adolf

Last 24 hours...

Worked, went to a club, came home at 6am, slept through an aptitude test for a job, woke up, visited my sister and nephew, came home, by which point it's late and I have to come to terms with the reality that I did not book any of the commercials I audition for last week, including the call back.
Oh. Shoot. I forgot to mention the part where I got a call back for Woody Harrelson's play. YAY!
I'm auditioning for 2 characters on my birthday, this Saturday. And call backs for that are the 20th. I plan on making it to the final show... as one of those characters.

So now I'm going to sit down, write some birthday cards before I forget who they're for and look at the sides, as I've booked a coaching session for tomorrow morning at 11am. And I am tired.

Dear Thursday,

I will spend you rehearsing, sleeping, watching tv and eating. Looking forward to you.

Happy Valentines Day!!!

This day needs some defense.

Yes it's a commercial way to beef up retail markets as this time of year is low for spending.
But this day comes shortly after another calendar date: the most depressing day of the year.

Who cares that it's all commercial!!!? It's an excuse to leave work early and spend an extra hour with the people you love- a chance to buy flowers on sale or make a card and give them to your wife or daughter or boyfriend or mom. It's a good day. And you don't have to empty your wallet, DO something sweet like call an extra time to check in on y our lover, go down on your man, leave a love note in your kids lunch box... It's a day for all the slackers of the world who rarely say I love, who never hold doors or make breakfast in bed. It's a day where if you say I LOVE YOU- it's completely cache and totally okay. It's a day for all those wonderful children women and men who show those they love, their love everyday- a day where they can go completely over the top and do something ridiculously wonderful like send them flowers to work with a singing telegram.

Valentines Day is like your birthday- only it's everyone else's birthday at the same time.

I hope you have a wonderful day and that you know you're loved! I hope that not only does someone take a minute to tell you they care about you, but that you do the same for those you love.

<3

Karma

A few weeks ago, I was talking with a girl at work about how so many of the staff are mean and she was saying she can't believe how mean some of them are to me. She decided that I must be mean somewhere else in my life and it's Karma coming back.
That is horrible.
I tried explaining otherwise and she seemed unsure so I gave her my dads theory on Karma- that what goes around comes around, maybe not to you, but maybe to your kids, or your kids kids kids, or someone else you care about. I argued that if I do have bad Karma, maybe it isn't mine. That worked. But in my head I thought- what if someone thinks, for example, I'm a good person, but really I'm not- are they going to get my bad karma one day? *sigh

And tonight again, I was thinking about Karma as I pulled into my buildings parking garage. 11 cars were broken into via smashed back windshields (the most expensive to fix). I got home shortly after the breakins happened, didn't notice a thing and carried on to my apartment. If I had bad Karma, wouldn't I have been home? Or wouldn't I have ran into the perp? Further, does this theory of Karma extend to crime?
Are all those 11 car owners deserving of a break in? The one gentleman who's car was smashed is a God fearing man- shouldn't his frequent visits to confession and gentle demeanor keep only a happy bubble of Karma around him?
My evil car port neighbour who accused me of hitting is car (ridiculous) didn't have his car broken into- if I was going to pick who's cars got smashed, I would pick him. But then again, maybe when he accused me he was just having a bad day and all the days I've seen him since where he ignores me and closes the elevator were just bad moments- maybe he's a good man with generally well intentions. How much good is in his Karma bubble?
And if one has bad karma, does that mean they are a bad person and deserve all the shit they get? The bad runs of luck? The money issues or poor family or no friends, no job, no skills ect? If one has bad karma, doesn't that mean they are ones potentially dolling out bad karma to others? What if they give it to the wrong person?
If karma is real, then does it decide fate? Because I think I'm a good person, I have my flaws and weak moments and I don't like letting people in front of my when I drive, but does that mean I'm destined to have a future filled with mean people and dreams that are always just out of reach?
If Karma was real, then bad people would've never succeed right? Because their Karma would stop them- right? And good people, who work hard and learn from their mistakes and laugh at their bad luck and keep going- those people should succeed by way of  good karma right?
Are karma and fate interchangeable? If so, one could argue that we are not in control of our own destiny, being that there is no one to define 'good' vs 'bad' karma- how would we ever know which we had/were?
If bad karma comes to good people, or bad karma comes to people who give out good karma, then wouldn't it be safer for good people to stay at home and wait it out until it's their turn to get some good karma? Wouldn't that be safer, potentially more fun and likely more rewarding?

I am now confused. About Karma.

I'm still going to role with my idea that good intentions, action, hard work, determination and sometimes a little bit of luck are what make up our future and our present. Karma seems a little too dodgey to rely on- or even think about.

God and I

I was leaving the elevator in my building today and there was a man headed to his car as well. We exchanged howdy-do's and then he said, "yes yes I'm doing much better than I deserve; God is good." I thought that was ridiculous and said, "come now" and he said, "no no, God is great and better than I deserve. Have a blessed day." All said with a smile on his face. 

Of course this interaction brings many things to mind. I don't believe in the bible -or God- the way many people do. 

I believe in the energy of faith and goodwill and that there is something out there that is greater than all of us- even if all that is, is the energy of our positivity and hopeful faith. I don't have blind faith in catholicism's God like this man appeared to, but his faith makes me happy and keeps me faithful to my ideologies. I really believe that some people wouldn't be good if there was no "God"- just think of all the things we people do wrong if we think we won't get caught and therefore there will be no consequences... not even considering the things people do knowing that it's wrong. 

So God is good- and all of our God's our different- and I suppose sometimes those God's are too good to us. I know I'm not grateful enough-I'll work on it.

Sometimes I talk to mine. Like I will tonight- just to say thanks. Sometimes it helps to let it all out into the universe- especially if you believe the universe will respond and are willing to let it (I need to work on that too). 

We all need a little faith-in something.

Good Vibrations.

That's what that neighbour gave to me.

Thanks.

Oh. Hi.

It's crazy how a little vacation changed my routine for almost a week following. I suppose I've only been back for 4 days, but it feels longer.
My friend has recently graduated journalism school and now has her masters and she is doing all kinds of amazing things- writing reports that are aired on cbc almost everyday, making documentaries- always wrapped up in current events. I'm kind-of jealous. I wonder where I would be if I had been more passionate when I was in school- or if I knew where I truly belonged education wise.
Of course we all have to be different but I can honestly say I'm not doing much to contribute to this world, beside feeding the economy by spending more than I make (not really, but it feels like it).
Sometimes I think I should just go to teachers college so I have a backup plan I could love. I adore kids and love coaching and developing them; but is it really fair for me to educate the minds of tomorrow because what I really want to do is a slow and winding road and because I lack direction? I ran this by my other friend- she said teaching is a terrible backup plan- if I want to teach then teach, if I want to go back to school, then go back.
My dream chasing is hard for others to understand. It's also hard for people to understand why I just don't go back to school. Ummm... it's not free!!
I'm going to do this http://business.humber.ca/programs/certificate/canadian-institute-of-management though in the spring semester.
The spring is going to be crazy expensive because I'll be moving and going back to school. I also took a hiatus from acting classes this semester and I hate it. So I'll be doing that again as well.
I need a money tree.
Or to have booked that commercial I audition for yesterday. *sigh

Im back

Miami was great- Exhausting but good. I got sick while I was there, got over it and then sick again.
I landed and went straight to work and feel like I've been working since then.. but I'm so sick. My hands are so dry from washing them all the time- and my nose is red from that cheap tissue I bought.

Headed to bed- I'll fill you in tomorrow!!