My birthday is coming!

. This time Last Year I was working only at Rehab nightclub and the money wasn't that great because of the time of year but it was good enough because I hadn't had a fulltime job for about 6months and I was assistant coaching a girls rep ball team (which cost me money in gas for travel).  I was living outside of Stratford in farm house with my Mom and her Boyfriend. They were both incredibly supportive, letting me live for free while I made just enough money to pay my bills and put gas in my car while I drove all over high heaven chasing my acting dream. 

This time last year I was also crashing at Roomies and Shena's apartment a lot. i would bring up food from my moms cupboards and sleep on their couch. I would look for jobs during the day or go on auditions. 

This time last year I would go online to 680news to make sure no one had won the Weather Guarantee Jackpot. I felt that if I didn't win it, I would never get myself out of my current situation because there would be no job that I would find that would get me out of debt and allow me to live. 

This time last year I would put gas in my car and if my gas budget was for 20$ and it only cost me 17$ I would have extra money to buy a lottery ticket. And I would. And I never won. Not even a free ticket. 

This time last year I was feeling shitty because I hadn't bought anyone Christmas presents or birthday presents in the months that had passed. I hadn't saved a dime, had used all of my small small savings and my mom was constantly giving money for things. 

This time last year I was thinking about giving up on acting because finding  job that didn't start until after 4pm was seeming impossible, I was struggling to stay happy while living at home, my education was wasting away, I owed my mom money, my sister money and my dad money and I was putting myself further and further in debt.

I actually remember going to visit my sister on the way to Toronto and thinking that if I took the detour to visit her, I might not have enough gas or money to buy gas, to get to Toronto to look for work and get back home.   I was too embarrassed to tell anyone and I felt like an epic failure. I called my credit card company and asked them to increase my limit by 100$,  knowing my card was maxed out; they said no and I sat in my sisters driveway crying. 

I started driving and put my hand in my pocket for some lip balm and my sister had tucked $20 in there. I cried and cried. 

I spent my birthday alone that year because I didn't have any money to think about getting people together to celebrate, or to buy myself drinks or dinner. Everyone in my family was working and I didn't have practice that day. It was the same the year before.

This year, money might be tight if these shitty hours at Real Sports keep up, but it won't be tight for a while and I will still be saving money and able to have fun, just a little less going out.

This year, I've paid everyone back (expect my dad, but I'll get him next time I'm home), almost paid off two of my loans and am trying to tuck money into my family's pockets when they need it.

This year for my birthday I would like a nice boyfriend who plans me a lovely dinner and party. But since I'm not going to get that I can't decide if I'll go away alone, have a party here, host a party at a club or sneak a bottle of wine into a movie after getting a massage, mani, pedi and facial.

I like how things get better if you stick to it.