If Oprah Says It, It's Probably True

"We accept the love that we think we deserve" 

I grew up in a home where no one knew how to love or how to accept it... there was always anger, cheating, lying, stealing and the piling up of secrets, saved and stored for use in battle when the appropriate time would arrive. 

I have never had the opportunity to see my parents love someone all the way, although I've supported them in many relationships. 

I have yet to see my siblings have a relationship that has trust and mutual respect, where both parties put in a constant effort to keep the love alive. Of course that is sad because one of my siblings is married, the other always heart broken and the last always doing her very best to keep her heart protected and love at bay. 

And then there is me... The foolish girl who never goes on a date with a man she doesn't already know and never more than two dates with a man she doesn't see herself marrying... the fool who doesn't know when to let a man in and then doesn't know when to let go after the love is gone.

R2 posted the following on my facebook this week and it spawned a male friend of mine to 'call bullshit'

Unfortunately, with the way I have learned to love and the way that I have allowed 'love' into my life, this life lesson applies and applies quite well. 

It may have come late, but I'm so glad that it came at all. 

I have been reading it every day and eventually I will remember it without looking and one day it will become ingrained in me. Don't accept excuses. Never accept lies. You can't change people and don't change yourself. Love yourself first. Those are my lessons in love.  

Thanks Oprah and R2!

"If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. 

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending... Compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new
relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE
individuals. Look for someone complimentary...
not supplementary.

Dating is fun... Even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes... When a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him ~ he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phil says... You should know that: You're the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he'll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he's not the only one. They're all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts... ❤"