Wanda Sykes with Pee on her Pants

I was just watching Ellen and Wanda Sykes was on... she's so funny.

She brought up an excellent point. Hoovering over the toilet seat!!

After yoga yesterday, a run and dancing up a storm with husband#1, if I had to use a public washroom today, I fear my legs would give out.

I'm all about the hoover.

I often wonder who the women are that sit on public toilets. I think that they are either idiots or so sanitary that it never occurs to them how unsanitary others are.

Women complain about men's washrooms because they smell like urine and men do pee on the seat and all around it. But that's kind of all that men do.

Women leave urine on the seat, on the side of the bowl, on the floor... blood, vomit, hair. SO DISGUSTING.
And most ladies to be clean freaks... well, can't you turn around after your business is done and wipe it all up- at least leave the impression that you are tidy.

I work in a bar part-time. And the staff use the customer washroom. A few weeks ago I ran to the washroom to discover a delightful young RATCHET hugging the toilet while throwing up.
That's all I'm saying. 

All The Above

I, for some reason, am listening to that song on repeat (Maino ft. TPain); it just popped into my head and needed to be blasted.... I should write my own 'all the above' bits.

It is making me think of the things that I have learned these few years. Mostly things about myself.

Like, I will never keep a job that doesn't provide me some sort of satisfaction (aside from Monetary) again- I will never work in a place that doesn't appreciate me and what I bring to the team nor work for a company where I don't like their values. We spend far too much time at work- we spend more time at work than we do sleeping, eating, with friends or family ect than we do anything else- to not find some sort of happiness in it. I am not one of those talented people who can separate their brain and let work be work and everything else be my life; all of my life is my life and I need to be able to find ways to enjoy all of it.

I've also learned that I can't stand a liar... haha... who can? But we all have and allow so many into our lives even after we discover them. Why?
What is worth lying about? What truth of yours is so terrible that you have to fabricate something instead of revealing it? What kind of people do you have in your life that you feel that you have to lie to be accepted? What do you think of me, that you would deny me the truth? These are questions that I asked myself during my break up last year, that I've reflected on when thinking about some friendships that I  have and more recently when talking to KKS... WHO ARE YOU, really?! The answers are all very confusing. and hurtful.

When you look back on your life, or your day or the year- will you be proud of yourself? Will you be confident in who you are because you know that you did your best? Will you have given as much love and respect to others as you feel you deserve?

ALL THE ABOVE!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEYxOPtQqWw


Also.

I'm am patiently waiting for the TTC to contact me for an interview (DO IT! HIRE ME!) and MuchMusic to hire me for the MMVA's Backstage Correspondent. First Interview: Mariana's Trench- my fav!!!!

MMVA's Backstage Correspondent 2013

I have just applied to be a backstage correspondent for this year's MMVA's!!! Get me back to Toronto!!!!

How amazing would I be at this?! Blogging and tweeting?! My friends report to me that if they didn't follow me on instagram or twitter, they would have nothing to do- I always keep them in the loop!

I probably should have written that in my application....

But it will be like a throw back!! I'll get to be on the otherside.... a few years ago, when MuchMusic ran the Naked campaign for the MMVA's, I was in one of the commercials.
And Subway is sponsoring the Backstage Correspondent- I used to be a Sandwich Artist.... clearly all of the stars are aligning!

PLUS I can represent Stratford in case Justin Bieber doesn't make it. And my fav Canadian band Mariana's Trench will be there... love Josh Ramsay.

Let's go stars- align. 

Rogers Wireless has failed me.

I have to vent about the horrible service that Rogers has provided me!

In December I decided to switch to Fido (which Roger's owns) because they had amazing deals that Roger's couldn't ... or wouldn't... give me.

In true Rogers style, it took Fido 3 weeks to send me my phone but when I got it, we transferred by number over and off I went.
When I spoke with Rogers I asked them how much it would cost to cancel my plan- they said 200$, which is obscene but fine a contract is a contract.
When I cancelled and went to their sister company they told me that because I was staying within the Rogers umbrella, I would only have to pay 100$ to terminate. Wonderful.

I got my final bill and it was for 336$. So I called Rogers and they said sorry our bad, and I paid $110 and they promised to credit the remainder. That was in January. Every month since I have gotten calls from Roger's collections department saying I owe them 226$, then I explain to them the error and they apologise and say they will credit me and it never happens. Rogers Collections, Fido Service, Rogers Customer Service and Rogers Advice (twitter) have all 'helped me' with this situation and still  nothing has changed until now:

5 months later I just got this email:

"I tried to contact you on the given contact numbers in your account with Rogers, however I was not able to get hold of you.

In regards to the adjustment of the cancellation fees, unfortunately it cannot be adjusted as you did not meet the criteria of migration, the Credit Class you had in Rogers account is not eligible for Intra band migration fees adjustment.

The charges are all justified.

Kindly make payment.

Thanks"

I emailed them backing saying even if that is correct, you should still credit my now 5 month old account because it was your mistake!! I didn't ask for the discount, you offered it. And none of that was mentioned until now.

They replied:

Hello Bobbi,

We offer the migration however meeting the criteria is customer responsibility.

I appreciate your understanding, I offered my assistance to have it resolved, this is why it took me some time.

However as per policy, we are unable to offer adjustment.

For further concern please call our business lien at 1-866-727-2141.

Thanks

I do not understand how such a giant conglomerate can be so filled with red tape, no transparency and bullshit... isn't Roger's big thing 'service'... maybe they're just talking about the number of towers that they have. 

The battle continues. 

If Oprah Says It, It's Probably True

"We accept the love that we think we deserve" 

I grew up in a home where no one knew how to love or how to accept it... there was always anger, cheating, lying, stealing and the piling up of secrets, saved and stored for use in battle when the appropriate time would arrive. 

I have never had the opportunity to see my parents love someone all the way, although I've supported them in many relationships. 

I have yet to see my siblings have a relationship that has trust and mutual respect, where both parties put in a constant effort to keep the love alive. Of course that is sad because one of my siblings is married, the other always heart broken and the last always doing her very best to keep her heart protected and love at bay. 

And then there is me... The foolish girl who never goes on a date with a man she doesn't already know and never more than two dates with a man she doesn't see herself marrying... the fool who doesn't know when to let a man in and then doesn't know when to let go after the love is gone.

R2 posted the following on my facebook this week and it spawned a male friend of mine to 'call bullshit'

Unfortunately, with the way I have learned to love and the way that I have allowed 'love' into my life, this life lesson applies and applies quite well. 

It may have come late, but I'm so glad that it came at all. 

I have been reading it every day and eventually I will remember it without looking and one day it will become ingrained in me. Don't accept excuses. Never accept lies. You can't change people and don't change yourself. Love yourself first. Those are my lessons in love.  

Thanks Oprah and R2!

"If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. 

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending... Compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new
relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE
individuals. Look for someone complimentary...
not supplementary.

Dating is fun... Even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes... When a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him ~ he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phil says... You should know that: You're the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he'll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he's not the only one. They're all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts... ❤"

This Is Beautiful Poetry and This

Is as close as I will ever be to writing it; sharing it.

my girl

The neighborhood boys have grown taller

than their absent fathers.

My girl use to be one of the boys,

throat a gun tossed in to a river

fist fight for a mouth

bag of ice for a father.

Then her body grew soft where she did not want it soft

grew full, grew heavy, grew ripe

if the boys see then the boys will become hungry.

My girl avoids mirrors

binds her breasts like a secret

buries the dead in between her legs

every month bleeds like she is a wound

calls out the names of the dead like lottery numbers

and all the names sound like her own.

My girl picks her father from a list of fatherless rappers,

measures her thighs in her bedroom

is on a diet, forever

is a red balloon stolen from a party

deflating in a corner.

Her first kiss, a boy who does not like girls

unless they are face down on a mattress.

My girl has a blank cd for a father,

the back seat of car for a mother.

Once in a basement when the music was on

and she thought no one was looking

and she could not help herself

and the body wanted to move

and the body it did move

and the body became almost sound,

she was wet from the bass in her stomach.

Everyone wanted to be like her,

that splinter in the oversized shirt.

 

My girl is the knife in the family portrait

the miscarriage at the sleepover

pink bubblegum expanding from a whores lips

riding the carousel with a nose bleed

glitter in a coffin

confetti in the barrel of a gun,

Is fun.

My girl is holy, is sacred, is pure

is clean, is loved, is whole, is beautiful

is worthy, is okay, is alone, is just fine

just the way you are girl

just the way you look babe

with that dirty mouth

and those hands, wherever they have been

and that sadness, whatever caused it

and that anger, wherever it came from

and that fear, who ever brought it

you are my girl, girl, you are me.

Warsan Shire

“Every mouth you’ve ever kissed was just practice. All the bodies you’ve ever undressed and ploughed in to were preparing you for me. I don’t mind tasting them in the memory of your mouth.
Was it a long journey? Did it take you long to find me?
You’re here now, welcome home.”
—  Warsan Shire

“I’m sorry you were not truly loved and that it made you cruel”
—  Warsan Shire (via zaweeya)

Amazing. Ill stop posting and let you read. You can follow her on twitter or read her work here:

http://warsanshire.tumblr.com

Good intentions are just that

And broken hearts stay broken, no matter where you take them.