Frowning causes Wrinkles. Surprise.

I had written a lovely blog expressing how upset I am with my current position at this new bar I'm working at. But the internet on my computer stopped working and I had to restart and it took hours to load back up so I watch the Kite Runner, which I've had on my laptop since 2008, perhaps 2007 but have never watched. It's a long movie. I've never watched a movie where I genuinely hated the 'hero'; what a coward of a man- some things you just can't fix.
anyway. I lost that blog. I believed I complained about how tired I am, yet here it is 5:30am and I'm awake blogging because I stayed up cleaning and watching a movie.
And those hours that have gone by since I complained in detail about why I dislike my job, have changed what I'm going to end up blogging about. Because as much as I hate my job, I hate being asked all the time why I'm a bartender. It's like people meet me and assume I'm supposed to be doing more with my life. Which I totally am. And if I'm so unhappy with the jobs that I can find while I do chase my dream, then perhaps it's time I stack the deck. Perhaps I can keep the jobs I have to pay the bills, pursue my acting career and go back to school part-time for some sort of job that will a. make me happy (let me pursue my acting career, volunteer and will be a job I enjoy) b. make me money and c. make me proud..
Pride can be such a bad thing. Some people would look back on this last 7 months and think about all the hours I put into working through the evenings and nights, every weekend and every holiday, so that I could do that Summerworks show and so that I can pursue and afford to be an actor. But I look back and think about all the birthdays I missed and family I haven't seen, the debts I still have to pay off and the lonely nights spent staring at the ceiling when it's too late to actually fall asleep but too early to get up and I feel like I'm in the exact same place as where I started.
So I'm starting fresh; new agent, new year, new headshots (yay!) and additional dream: challenge myself mentally by acquiring diploma or OREP (ontario real estate professional).
There. I told it to the world. So now I have to do it or not living up to my own goals will hurt my pride because I told you, so you'll know If fail me.