Oprah and Deepak 21, Day 3

Yesterday's session was so difficult for me that I shamefully wrote just a few lines in my journal.. I just couldn't focus. It could've been because I was worried that I wasn't meditating correctly.. or because I did it before bed rather than at the start of the day.
I did take from the lesson however, the beauty of the whole and found the Mindful Moment to be profound. HOW HAVE I NEVER THOUGHT THIS WAY (“Is this the most nourishing choice for me and everyone around me?” If when you check in with yourself, your choice feels right in your heart, then proceed with abandon.)

SO.

I researched different meditating techniques before bed. Wherein I proceeded to only sleep for only 3 hours despite giving myself 8.5 hours to sleep.
Woke up, got a glass of hot water and took some deep breaths while I listened to today's message.

There is something wonderful about having Oprah's voice play through my mobile wifi... like she's is talking just to me.

What I found most profoundly useful from today's message was 'attention and intention' and allowing abundance to flow easily.
how simple.

I lost the mantra a few times. I forgot what the words that I was saying to myself meant. I lost my posture a few times. I had to keep my eyes gently gazed at the floor because when I closed them I began to fall asleep (so tired). Why did I get sidetracked thinking about my teeth?

However, I had many successes. First of all, I had 10 minutes of silence after reading and listening to incredible life lessons from Deepak and Oprah. I let all of my slip ups go and refocused. the incredible pain that has been shooting up and down my back quieted itself. As the day has worn on, I find myself hearing the desperate noise of the people who can't silence their own negativity and am aware of how similar I can sound.
I appreciate this opportunity to be thankful for this day, the introduced thoughts, the message, the silence and sound of my own breath.
How did it never occur to me to how easily nature takes its course? I am working on being like a rose, not struggling to blossom, just letting it happen naturally, without limiting beliefs.
'Abundance flows easily and freely to me.'

Meditation is a crazy and beautiful thing and the chance to have it led but such peaceful guides is incredible. 

Oprah & Deepak Meditation: Day 1 of 21

I haven't meditated since I joined a led meditation group in first year university. It scared me then and it scares me now.

The web instructions say that you just need to find 10-20 mins a day, preferably in the morning, of silence.

Today was day one of the challenge. I woke up, had coffee, showered, got ready foe the day and was about to head out the door before I remembered that I'd signed up for this 21 day journey.
So I locked myself in my bedroom, jammed in ear plugs and hit the start button on the days message and guided meditation.
Turns out you can't hear Oprah or Deepak's instructions after you deafen yourself... so much for my cheat plan to block out external noise sans deep focus.   without earplugs you can hear the days mantra being given and why and how to use it. Tears streamed down my face.
I couldn't find my deepest desire. How can I be my deepest desire if I don't know what it is or can't word it?

I'm entirely sure I spent 9.9 of the 10 mins try to remember to acknowledge my thoughts and listen to my breath... wondering if people actually see a third eye or if they feel it or if a third eye is how your eyes focus inside your physical brain when they know it's more light outside of your head than in.
Shortly before I I completed my last panicked I-dont-think-I-can-do-this-stillness breath the bell rang and I was released.
The cold tingle in my spine, similar to being decompressed by a chiropractor, warmed; my thoughts cleared and for a brief moment my deepest desire was to be thankful I had given myself this gift...
Of course then I had to quickly journal about my experience (3 lines later..{whhat that's IIT!?}) and then re read the meditation guidelines Oprah and Deepak had provided.
*sigh* I did it right. I stuck through, acknowledge my (many many) thoughts and refocused on the mantra and my breath.
I'm having a rough go of this life right now and really lack direction and don't know where to find myself in my jumble and that 10 minutes renewed my day.
At least I'm attributing my lack of disappointment usually present throughout the day to the new thing in my day: meditation.

This day is a gift. Your gift. The only one like it. If you can stop to be grateful for it no matter what, imagine the life that you could share with others?

Repeat

The same things will happen if you don't make a change.

Also, it may be long, but it will not be forever.

Just a reminder.

What's Your Value

You need money for everything. Food. Shelter. Clothes. Maybe even friends. You definitely need it to pay off debt, go on vacations and own things, like a bus pass or car.

If you don't have money, you really don't have much. The friends will disappear; believe no one who says that money doesn't matter when it comes to friendship or love.
Your family will help you as much as they can but they too need money and to prioritize it for themselves and their own happiness, peace of mind and survival.
There is no fault in a person who takes care of themselves first.

You can always make money. It might not be very much, you might spend more time working to make it then you do sleeping or eating or loving your kids. You might hate what you have to do to make it. You might do illegal things to ensure money comes to you in a regular and timely manner.

If you're not making money, you're spending it; on the food you eat, the clothes you wear, the bed you sleep in. If you're spending money that you're not making or not making enough of, then you're going into deeper and deeper debt. Which makes the money you do make, less valuable because it isn't yours.

The amount of money in your account is what defines you.
Welcome. It's almost 2014 and we are barely getting smarter.

I am going to become an Electrician. Yes, I am a girl, amongst so many other things

"Oct 17, 2013: AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 - Feb. 19):
You don’t have to put on an act and pretend you are happy when you are anything but. Whatever it is that has annoyed you so much make sure the world knows about it. Kick up a fuss and get it put right."

Well... the truth of the matter is I can't find a job because I lack focus and apply to everything I see posted as i am not sure that I want what I want. Because usually, when I don't get what I want I'm never really disappointed just annoyed... I mean be serious, how can you be and for how long?

Until recently.

So now I'm not happy because I think that I know what I want and I am struggling to get it and I'm not so sure I'm entitled to get fussy about that.
I know that I also want to be closer to my family.
That may be, as it turns out, a need.
I can't have that and what I want. But if I earn/get lucky enough to get what I want then I can have more visits with my family, a fair compromise I think.

So I guess this is me kicking up a fuss?

Let's be real. Last month I was a Pisces.

Un-indentured Apprentice

I applied for zero jobs today.

Did I mention I don't have a full time job? I'm living on tip to tip working two nights a week at a club because I quit the job I had because I hated it so much. I used to cry knowing that I had to spend 8-11 hours there... with people who didn't like me and vice versa, doing work that I didn't find meaningful and didn't pay well. My happiness is more than that crappy py check and I'd done that to myself before working at Pravda (a great bar) in Toronto and promised myself that I would never do it again.

So I kept my part time job at the amazing Marquee Lounge in Edmonton and enjoyed the Alberta summer, drinking beer and wishing I had a bike to ride around.

And for the last 2 months spend 4 days a week online applying for any job where I think there would be growth potential, hitting the street every now and then with resumes and trying to network with clients and their associates.

I probably should've started volunteering the second that I quit my last job... to build a new network.
I probably should drop more resumes in person.
I probably shouldn't have quit my last job.
I probably shouldn't be discouraged by rejection emails after interviews stating various reasons for the direction they chose.
I probably should narrow my search and really focus on one field.

But I'm really smart. And reliable. And a quick learner. And physically strong. I have my resume on every job bank you can think of. I have all of my tickets to work in the field... and it's high season so I know people are needed (I apply to the ads!) And I have a degree which proves what these days... and a list of amazing references.

It is October 15 and I'm quite certain I've applied for over 70 jobs so far this month. I heard back from one job saying that 'an email with details would follow tomorrow' (nothing... I sent a follow up and check my mail... it's been 4 days) and wake up to auto emails everyday saying that I didn't meet the minimum qualifications (really... it's admin work.. I can learn codes, type letters, book meetings and answer phones... I have been an exec assistant before!!!) but to 'please continue to our careers page'.

My mom asked me again today when I'm going to move home.
My 3 year old light-of-my-life nephew didn't feel like skyping yesterday... he was building a fort.

I didn't apply for any jobs today. I just sent email after email to myself reminding me of places to apply to tomorrow.
I just wasn't up for the rejection you know?

Wednesday. Hump day. Start fresh. Migraine free. Hot off the press resumes and a full tank of gas.

This does not count as Cheating, but it should still be punished.

So I may be on to something when I say I should write about dating.

I got another chance to work with the beautiful and enthusiastic Jennifer Dolynchuk today- she has partnered up to create a documentary on fear and was interviewing me on being afraid of heights.

Then she asked me what other things I am afraid of and suggested spiders and dating... and I went on a small tangent.
When I was done telling the small stories that make up my life she was laughing so hard she was worried that she'd ruined the take... and said it's funny because it's real and we've all experienced it... I think that I agree!?


Anyway...
So this guy, who I desperately do not want to remain nameless but will, is a super asshole. Let's talk about it.
We'll call him FZD from here in.. FRIEND ZONE DAVE.

I actually called him FZD, that was his nickname over the last months. He earned it. We met at a job site and the likeliness of me ever having to work with him again is about 0%... although I can imagine ending up as his boss one day. Wouldn't that be fun....
focus.
So I didn't have to worry about the whole dating a coworker thing. He is super cute, funny, relaxed and fun to hang out with. Being that the last guy who tried to date me, TTC, lied about everything under the sun and was super intense about keeping up that lie- still is-  FZD was a nice break. He is also 2 years younger than me so not 12 years older than me like my last boyfriend... ALSO A LIAR... why and how do I accept these creatures into my life?
focus.
However, the 'let's shag' vibe quickly faded... whenever we hung out he was drunk and would push, hit and strangle me in my sleep and even one time cussed me out because I wouldn't give him a 'blowie' as he calls it. I wouldn't do anything with FZD because he has slept with over 200 women he thinks but has lost count and wouldn't get checked to sleep with me.
Like, I'm no Sports Illustrated model but I think that I'm attractive... and if a guy visits you at work, drives to your town to hang out and shows general interest, he is probably interested right...? So why not get checked.. it's takes 10 minutes.
I, after quickly learning more about FZD decided that I was not actually attracted to FZD, that he was never going to get checked because he is sleeping with other gals and that I was like no other he'd attempted to date because I challenged him, didn't let him push me around and made him laugh. So I told him that we were just going to be friends. Hence FZD.
And he wouldn't take no for an answer. And up until yesterday was reminding me that he was now checked and clean and ready to go.

My frustration with FZD lies in the fact that he wouldn't leave well enough alone and just be friends. He told my roomie that he was going to be the best boyfriend ever to me if I would let him, and told me that he's so attracted to me and misses me when I'm not with him ect.

So this FZD guy whom I do not want to date, but who is trying to sleep with/date me, is dating someone else!

And it infuriates me because I can't stand a liar and we talked about that and then he lied. Clearly he is not capable of being friends because he can't even tell me that he's been dating this girl for however long. And he's trying to bone me. And date this girl. And date me. And is boning that girl. And she's in love. I know this because it's all over facebook (yes. facebook people).

I took the liberty of writing on facebook under their new relationship status that FZD finally getting checked paid off in the long run (blah blah blah i'm such a child.). Her friend didn't like that. I also noticed that his friends didn't like that she claimed that Dave was in a relationship... which just adds to my opinion of him that he keeps his relationships private because he has to because he keeps several on the go.

So most of July, August, September and now October, FZD has been after me. And he's got another lady. WHO DOES THAT?! AND THANK GOODNESS I SAID NO! fzd.

So dating.

This is why ladies and gentleman (and I know that you are out there because my friends have married you and I'm still single so..), it is okay to take your time to get to know someone, to be vulnerable with them, to be generous with them... because you have to protect yourself and them from prematurely giving trust where it is not due.

Honestly

I should start blogging about dating... although at this point it's mostly me just saying no....  So few of the men are appealing to me... and not physically, mentally, emotionally! Be real, looks fade.
And.
There is this weird expectation that because Man thinks Woman is cute, Woman must also think that Man is cute. Not so.

And like seriously, how can Man suggest that Woman will love him if Woman will give Man a chance! Man doesn't even know Woman's name yet... how does Man already know what she likes? What if Woman is a lesbian? Has a Man already? Isn't ready to date? Doesn't want to break Mans heart because he will totally fall for Woman and then she has a serial stalker on her hands?

What if Man spent time getting to know Woman in a normal casual non liplicking way and Woman realised that Man was worth a date or two and goes for it and then man never shows up or drops his phone in the toilet and lost her number or barely speaks during dinner or says he's a doctor and isnt or love making money more than his own body or family or his non-courting true self was not as appealing as the Man he was pretending to be so Woman is over it; hurt and annoyed by the really bad selfish sex but over it... like...

What if...

Broads didn't sleep with the good Man, take their money and run and leave Kelly Clarkson and I to clean up all of those beautiful disasters..?

I should blog/journal about my dating life on the regular.

Also. I saw so many bison today in Elk Island National Park. My blood pressure will never be as low as before this day.

Dating in 2013

All I'm saying is.... well, dating is hard to do.

Step 1. Give man # and assume will get call
Step 2. Receive text & wonder about his ability to communicate
Step 3. Text back
Step 4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 for about a week
Step 5. Get bored & call man for a conversation
Step 6. Hang up from 3 minute conversation
Step 7. Next!

Y2K 3peat

Apparently the world is going to end next week.

Which is really too bad and it sounds painful (we'll get stuck in another planets orbit and it will take our gravity and the sun).

Sending out my love, condolences and luck in advance!

I love..

Sending emails home and getting a response.

Love my peeps

"...I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart"

Miss Me When I'm Gone

Just after I finished highschool, one of my favourite people died. I’m not sure what it was about her; It wasn’t that she was any smarter or kinder than most of the wonderful people in my life. She had this warmth about her; like if you could actually see someone’s aura or predict their karma, hers would be full of life, warm and welcoming- she hugged everybody. She was also very religious which makes her death that much more tragic to me but that is another subject altogether. She had prepared her two children and husband for her death and it was simple, beautiful and sad. Just thinking about the beauty she brought to everyone’s lives brings tears to my eyes (although that doesn’t take much). Anyway, when she did pass, I was so blown away by going into work again the next day, and the simplicity of my routine and that the world hadn’t stopped. How did the world not stop? And why didn’t it take a while for the world to slowly get back to itself?

There have been many nights out here in Alberta where I’ve laid awake wondering, selfishly, for wanting that to happen to all of my Ontario loves. I want your worlds to stop until I get back because I miss you. Yes you… In this group email. There is something about you that I think about all of the time. I am so lucky to have such amazing people in my life- we have had so much laughter and I miss it.

That said, WHAT UP!?!?!

I’m sitting on the floor of my new room, located in Devon Alberta, drinking cold black hazelnut coffee- it’s all that CJ drinks (add cream-yuck). CJ is my roommate/landlord/Edmonton Best Girl Bestie.

When I went to Calgary for the Stampede (total bust… I was bottle service and never got a table. Working for Cowboys cost me money. Lame) I gave up my apartment because I was to be returning to Toronto for a job (another bust; the day I was to hit the road I got a one line email saying “bad news…  I am so sorry to let you know that our team didn’t come out on top”.. OKAY. You already hired me so…) and came back to Edmonton pretty much living out of my car.

Of course my husbands let me stay with them! But they wouldn’t take rent money from me, which I hated. CJ had a bit of a life change and it worked out that us two single gals live it up outside of the big city! The only down side is that it adds a 20 minute drive to everything in life AND CJ and I are supposed to be on a diet and we help to justify each others ‘slip ups’!

I’ve been poking around online looking for work still in Ontario but no calls back yet. I work on an as needed basis for Titan Oilfield Services as a Welders Helper and Pipeline painter (that is code for everyone’s little bitch, but you have to start somewhere!!) and of course at the bar on weekends. I am so thankful to both bosses for keeping me around; especially the GM of Marquee nightclub, who has become my friend.

I have an interview tomorrow morning with Cenovus for some admin work. They are a massive company and I’ve impressed their HR team and hopefully I can start small and grow with them. Should this job workout, I will probably get home more often because it will be rotational work! YAY! I miss my nephew so damn much; I need to get back for a beach day with him!

And of course the news that you  have all been waiting for…

I’m engaged. His name is Tim. It is indeed my ex boyfriend. I just feel like I’m getting older and everyone out here by my age is married with kids and I want that, like, yesterday. And he’s never going to find anyone better than me so it works out for both of us.

OMG. You do know that I was dying laughing writing that, especially the last sentence?!!!!!  Man, if he ever sees that he will flip (nope, that won’t stop me from blogging this as well!!)!

I am finally enjoying being single…. Even if I have packed on a few pounds (There’s not a lot to do here and beer is delicious)! I went on a couple of dates with one guy but we were not a great fit (didn't I tell you about that?) and he’s become a lovely and entertaining friend (we run stairs together… and by run I mean skip the workout and go for wings and beers) and there was of course KKS of Toronto, the man of tall tales- the def did not work out, but I am otherwise continually blown away how easy it could potentially be to find a mate here.

There are so many damn guys here! The last few who have asked me out are from Toronto actually and are up here for work. But I think 20% of all of the manly men from across the country live in Alberta. I think it’s 2:1 guys:girls. But they’re all so loaded because of their work and it seems to cause this strange sense of entitlement which makes them incredibly unappealing.

But I am not man shopping, I am job hunting. 

Best job to make me the most money and become the biggest asset to the company I can be so that I can get transferred to a job in Ontario.

...I am thinking about becoming a welder. It would be terrifying territory for me but I like working with my hands and the time goes by quickly and it wouldn’t really matter where I lived in the world, I could work.

Can you imagine that? Me welding?!

I should just open a foster home and get it over with. Best job ever. Must decide what country to do it in….

I keep writing and every time I hit enter for a new paragraph I think of Chris telling me that my emails are too long.

CHRIS! MY LIFE IS SUPER EXCITING CAN’T YOU TELL?! THERE IS MUCH TO SAY. Not.

I will keep you posted on what happens with tomorrows interviews.

And even though I wish that the world could stop and wait for me and I miss you and missed your birthday, and the chance to meet up for drinks to hear about your vacation, your new houses and furniture, your amazing boyfriends you met online, your pregnancy and kids, how shitty being single in Toronto is, your wedding planning, your dog stories, your new fitness plan and new careers, please don’t actually stop living it up and loving your life. It’s all about the journey right?!

By My Side by Tyler Shaw just came on as I write this. Perfect. I dedicate it to you. 

Changing the Litter Box

What is it that is built into our internal compass that makes us feel guilt for our own actions that others'  silence makes us abundantly aware of?

Join my list of current:

Secrets
Shame
Pride

For the record , tequila and life hacked my blog.

Cowboys Calgary

I thought I'd try and reverse my luck.
Which as I write that I feel a fool.... we're supposed to create our own destiny right..? But sometimes it doesn't matter how hard you try, you still need the stars to align or a bit of dumb luck to succeed... right?

So remember a few weeks ago when I was gloating that I got a job at Cowboys for the Stampede? I was so excited because they interviewed over 2000 people or something and only hired a couple hundred.
Working at the busiest bar during the busiest party of the year should be lucrative right?... WRONG

After purchasing cowboy boots, a hat, un-torn denim and the cowboys uniform, driving to Calgary and two days of orientation, I lined up to receive my schedule only to find out that I was on no schedule... Somehow I'd slipped through the cracks.
No worries they said, we know we hired you and it's our mistake, let us fix it.
So the next day i received my schedule by email and went in for my first shift the following day; I was to be a bottle service girl!
First shift, I served in the general crowds. It was terrible. These are the first bartenders I've ever worked along side that actually think they are gods. I've heard of bartenders being like this, but being an excellent bartenders myself, I'd never encountered it and see no reason for the complex. The people I was serving were actually from Waterloo Ontario, so close to my home town and they were wonderful.... especially considering it was about a 30 minute wait between drinks for them because the bartenders didn't want to serve the servers... EXCELLENT...

The remainder of my shifts I have gone in, not been given a table to serve (along with many other girls), wandered the crowds trying to find a wealthy group who would like to drink $433.00 bottles of crappy greygoose (required to purchase a min of 4) and stood around trying to assist the girls who did get tables. So who IS getting the tables you ask... well... on the night shift, the manager gives the tables to her friends EVEN IF THEY AREN'T SCHEDULED TO WORK and on the day shift, I seem to always be scheduled 30 minutes after everyone else so those girls get the tables, and some of them get sent home along with me.

GRRRR! At this point I would like to make back the money that I've spent.

Anyway... I thought if I put it out into the universe the opposite of what I had put out before it may reverse my luck...
No more gloating about working the Stampede.

Pisces & Aquarius

I've been grumpy as hell since I've been in Calgary!
Probably because I miss my husbands and CJ and don't know when I'll see them again and also don't know if I'm headed for home to my long list family, friends and city.... much is up in the air.

Not that anyone but me and my choices dictate my real future, But...
Since the stars go back and forth almost daily on what sign I am, I read both. And like both. Let's hope the next week is in the stars!
Feb 19.

Are you Phillip Morris or Steven Russell?

I Love You Phillip Morris

"Phillip: How can I love you? I don’t even know who you are. And you know what’s sad? I don’t even think you know who you are. So, how am I supposed to love somethin’ that don’t even exist? You tell me.

Steven: How does a person who doesn’t exist go on existing? The answer is, he doesn’t."

And then they still went on...

When it rains, it pours, and other weather related stories.

So, I AM TEAM COWBOYS!!! Yay!

I am also waiting to hear from MuchMusic- eeeheeem!

And I was referred for a job back in Toronto and had a phone interview today... I got it! Thank you so much Andrew! Hopefully the parameters of the contract work out and I will be back in July! Wooohoo!

Also my Husbands out in Edmonton just got their dream job!

Winning!!!

MuchMusic and Cowboys

So.. the first official week of June is here and hump day (i used to think that that meant sex and felt left out that I had never had any... oh to be younger again!) is upon us...

Much Music will announce their backstage correspondent (pick me!) winner for the MMVA's and Cowboy's (#iamteamcowboys) will announce their money making staff for June.

Obviously I want both and can do both and will be amazing at both.

Is there a limit on how many times one can ask to be given a chance (aka WIN)? If so I'd like to group these two together with winning the encore on 6/49 AND getting the customer service job for the TTC. Is that greedy?!... 1 huge win!
All of those things (okay keep the lotto win) would also open other doors, which counts as winning for life.

If I get none of those things thus week or next or in the months soon to come, then I request nothing more than happiness. Also a handsome, fit husband whom I love, of considerable wealth who wants to pay off my student debt and adopt children with me while subsidising a few acting classes... simple. Normal. Common even.

“And still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth, 'You owe me.' Look what happens with love like that. It lights up the sky.” ― Rumi

Fill your Life.

I want a room filled with shelves.
And on those shelves,
All of the books that I have read.
Right now,
It is just a cupboard.

Wanda Sykes with Pee on her Pants

I was just watching Ellen and Wanda Sykes was on... she's so funny.

She brought up an excellent point. Hoovering over the toilet seat!!

After yoga yesterday, a run and dancing up a storm with husband#1, if I had to use a public washroom today, I fear my legs would give out.

I'm all about the hoover.

I often wonder who the women are that sit on public toilets. I think that they are either idiots or so sanitary that it never occurs to them how unsanitary others are.

Women complain about men's washrooms because they smell like urine and men do pee on the seat and all around it. But that's kind of all that men do.

Women leave urine on the seat, on the side of the bowl, on the floor... blood, vomit, hair. SO DISGUSTING.
And most ladies to be clean freaks... well, can't you turn around after your business is done and wipe it all up- at least leave the impression that you are tidy.

I work in a bar part-time. And the staff use the customer washroom. A few weeks ago I ran to the washroom to discover a delightful young RATCHET hugging the toilet while throwing up.
That's all I'm saying. 

All The Above

I, for some reason, am listening to that song on repeat (Maino ft. TPain); it just popped into my head and needed to be blasted.... I should write my own 'all the above' bits.

It is making me think of the things that I have learned these few years. Mostly things about myself.

Like, I will never keep a job that doesn't provide me some sort of satisfaction (aside from Monetary) again- I will never work in a place that doesn't appreciate me and what I bring to the team nor work for a company where I don't like their values. We spend far too much time at work- we spend more time at work than we do sleeping, eating, with friends or family ect than we do anything else- to not find some sort of happiness in it. I am not one of those talented people who can separate their brain and let work be work and everything else be my life; all of my life is my life and I need to be able to find ways to enjoy all of it.

I've also learned that I can't stand a liar... haha... who can? But we all have and allow so many into our lives even after we discover them. Why?
What is worth lying about? What truth of yours is so terrible that you have to fabricate something instead of revealing it? What kind of people do you have in your life that you feel that you have to lie to be accepted? What do you think of me, that you would deny me the truth? These are questions that I asked myself during my break up last year, that I've reflected on when thinking about some friendships that I  have and more recently when talking to KKS... WHO ARE YOU, really?! The answers are all very confusing. and hurtful.

When you look back on your life, or your day or the year- will you be proud of yourself? Will you be confident in who you are because you know that you did your best? Will you have given as much love and respect to others as you feel you deserve?

ALL THE ABOVE!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEYxOPtQqWw


Also.

I'm am patiently waiting for the TTC to contact me for an interview (DO IT! HIRE ME!) and MuchMusic to hire me for the MMVA's Backstage Correspondent. First Interview: Mariana's Trench- my fav!!!!

MMVA's Backstage Correspondent 2013

I have just applied to be a backstage correspondent for this year's MMVA's!!! Get me back to Toronto!!!!

How amazing would I be at this?! Blogging and tweeting?! My friends report to me that if they didn't follow me on instagram or twitter, they would have nothing to do- I always keep them in the loop!

I probably should have written that in my application....

But it will be like a throw back!! I'll get to be on the otherside.... a few years ago, when MuchMusic ran the Naked campaign for the MMVA's, I was in one of the commercials.
And Subway is sponsoring the Backstage Correspondent- I used to be a Sandwich Artist.... clearly all of the stars are aligning!

PLUS I can represent Stratford in case Justin Bieber doesn't make it. And my fav Canadian band Mariana's Trench will be there... love Josh Ramsay.

Let's go stars- align. 

Rogers Wireless has failed me.

I have to vent about the horrible service that Rogers has provided me!

In December I decided to switch to Fido (which Roger's owns) because they had amazing deals that Roger's couldn't ... or wouldn't... give me.

In true Rogers style, it took Fido 3 weeks to send me my phone but when I got it, we transferred by number over and off I went.
When I spoke with Rogers I asked them how much it would cost to cancel my plan- they said 200$, which is obscene but fine a contract is a contract.
When I cancelled and went to their sister company they told me that because I was staying within the Rogers umbrella, I would only have to pay 100$ to terminate. Wonderful.

I got my final bill and it was for 336$. So I called Rogers and they said sorry our bad, and I paid $110 and they promised to credit the remainder. That was in January. Every month since I have gotten calls from Roger's collections department saying I owe them 226$, then I explain to them the error and they apologise and say they will credit me and it never happens. Rogers Collections, Fido Service, Rogers Customer Service and Rogers Advice (twitter) have all 'helped me' with this situation and still  nothing has changed until now:

5 months later I just got this email:

"I tried to contact you on the given contact numbers in your account with Rogers, however I was not able to get hold of you.

In regards to the adjustment of the cancellation fees, unfortunately it cannot be adjusted as you did not meet the criteria of migration, the Credit Class you had in Rogers account is not eligible for Intra band migration fees adjustment.

The charges are all justified.

Kindly make payment.

Thanks"

I emailed them backing saying even if that is correct, you should still credit my now 5 month old account because it was your mistake!! I didn't ask for the discount, you offered it. And none of that was mentioned until now.

They replied:

Hello Bobbi,

We offer the migration however meeting the criteria is customer responsibility.

I appreciate your understanding, I offered my assistance to have it resolved, this is why it took me some time.

However as per policy, we are unable to offer adjustment.

For further concern please call our business lien at 1-866-727-2141.

Thanks

I do not understand how such a giant conglomerate can be so filled with red tape, no transparency and bullshit... isn't Roger's big thing 'service'... maybe they're just talking about the number of towers that they have. 

The battle continues. 

If Oprah Says It, It's Probably True

"We accept the love that we think we deserve" 

I grew up in a home where no one knew how to love or how to accept it... there was always anger, cheating, lying, stealing and the piling up of secrets, saved and stored for use in battle when the appropriate time would arrive. 

I have never had the opportunity to see my parents love someone all the way, although I've supported them in many relationships. 

I have yet to see my siblings have a relationship that has trust and mutual respect, where both parties put in a constant effort to keep the love alive. Of course that is sad because one of my siblings is married, the other always heart broken and the last always doing her very best to keep her heart protected and love at bay. 

And then there is me... The foolish girl who never goes on a date with a man she doesn't already know and never more than two dates with a man she doesn't see herself marrying... the fool who doesn't know when to let a man in and then doesn't know when to let go after the love is gone.

R2 posted the following on my facebook this week and it spawned a male friend of mine to 'call bullshit'

Unfortunately, with the way I have learned to love and the way that I have allowed 'love' into my life, this life lesson applies and applies quite well. 

It may have come late, but I'm so glad that it came at all. 

I have been reading it every day and eventually I will remember it without looking and one day it will become ingrained in me. Don't accept excuses. Never accept lies. You can't change people and don't change yourself. Love yourself first. Those are my lessons in love.  

Thanks Oprah and R2!

"If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. 

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending... Compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new
relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE
individuals. Look for someone complimentary...
not supplementary.

Dating is fun... Even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes... When a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him ~ he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phil says... You should know that: You're the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he'll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he's not the only one. They're all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts... ❤"

This Is Beautiful Poetry and This

Is as close as I will ever be to writing it; sharing it.

my girl

The neighborhood boys have grown taller

than their absent fathers.

My girl use to be one of the boys,

throat a gun tossed in to a river

fist fight for a mouth

bag of ice for a father.

Then her body grew soft where she did not want it soft

grew full, grew heavy, grew ripe

if the boys see then the boys will become hungry.

My girl avoids mirrors

binds her breasts like a secret

buries the dead in between her legs

every month bleeds like she is a wound

calls out the names of the dead like lottery numbers

and all the names sound like her own.

My girl picks her father from a list of fatherless rappers,

measures her thighs in her bedroom

is on a diet, forever

is a red balloon stolen from a party

deflating in a corner.

Her first kiss, a boy who does not like girls

unless they are face down on a mattress.

My girl has a blank cd for a father,

the back seat of car for a mother.

Once in a basement when the music was on

and she thought no one was looking

and she could not help herself

and the body wanted to move

and the body it did move

and the body became almost sound,

she was wet from the bass in her stomach.

Everyone wanted to be like her,

that splinter in the oversized shirt.

 

My girl is the knife in the family portrait

the miscarriage at the sleepover

pink bubblegum expanding from a whores lips

riding the carousel with a nose bleed

glitter in a coffin

confetti in the barrel of a gun,

Is fun.

My girl is holy, is sacred, is pure

is clean, is loved, is whole, is beautiful

is worthy, is okay, is alone, is just fine

just the way you are girl

just the way you look babe

with that dirty mouth

and those hands, wherever they have been

and that sadness, whatever caused it

and that anger, wherever it came from

and that fear, who ever brought it

you are my girl, girl, you are me.

Warsan Shire

“Every mouth you’ve ever kissed was just practice. All the bodies you’ve ever undressed and ploughed in to were preparing you for me. I don’t mind tasting them in the memory of your mouth.
Was it a long journey? Did it take you long to find me?
You’re here now, welcome home.”
—  Warsan Shire

“I’m sorry you were not truly loved and that it made you cruel”
—  Warsan Shire (via zaweeya)

Amazing. Ill stop posting and let you read. You can follow her on twitter or read her work here:

http://warsanshire.tumblr.com

Good intentions are just that

And broken hearts stay broken, no matter where you take them.

Good intentions are just that...

...and broken hearts are broken, no matter where you take them.

I'm naked

I left my cell phone on my pillow at home.

I am at work and I've been here for 5 minutes and I already miss it.

Update # 5 (don't buy a Volkswagen in Alberta)

Hello Team!!!!

How much do you miss me?

I fear that if I had received another email from (hot)ROD that's what it would've said.. creepo. He finally stopped emailing and texting me on Thursday. What part of I'M NOT INTERESTED do you not understand?!

And if you're so keen on googling people, google me again and find my blog, and read my entries where I made fun of you. lol

So, I've been driving my car for the week. The stupid guys are coming to my work on Thursday to fix my car- aka take off the stupid lettering that I told them to remove before I was to pick it up, and treating the area underneath. 

I also realised today when i went to put air in my tires, that I had been had (yes. it took me a while to catch on).

When I talked about the car with the dealer, he told me that it came with nitrogen tires. I had no idea what that meant, but if that's how the car comes, at that point WHO CARES JUST GET ME A DAMN CAR. And when I was picking up the car (still unnamed), we ran through everything, from the bills to the warranty to how to turn the lights on ect and it all kind of blended in together... it took almost 3 hours after an 8.5 hour work day and almost 2 hour drive!

Looking at my bill of course, I now see that the nitrogen was an option that I paid for... $700 plus tax and labour. Ok fine, that's what I get for rushing. 

Obviously the tires needed air today- one day it's +10 degrees, the next it's -10; poor tires... OH WAIT. I CAN'T PUT AIR IN MY TIRES WITHOUT TAKING THEM TO THE SHOP!!!! AND I HAVE TO PAY FOR IT!!!

WHAT HAVE I DONE!?

So I'm going to spend the weekend looking into selling the car back or just selling it in general. If you know anything about returning a week old car, let me know. I'm serious.

I'm very annoyed with my stupidity and Volkswagen and I just want to get away from them.

Anyway...

SIGH SO LONG AND HARD***

The job is good. My boss took a day off for the first time in a year because he had me there to help with work! I... was there for 10 hours today... clearly I do not work as fast as he. lol. 

What else? I really wish that I hadn't started off this email bitching about my car... now I'm totally sidetracked. It also doesn't help that the new hgtv show my Brick House is on. The woman whom the show revolves around has no expression... it bothers me. 

Come camera's follow me around as I nearly pass out in yoga or catch my self with a giant camel toe, follow me as I wake up with my feet inside of my pillow case rather than it under my head, follow me as I bang my head on my desk at work and make the same mistake on autoCAD time and time again, follow me as I buy a car with stupid nitrogen tires, follow me as I walk around with white fuzzies in my hair and a huge cheek zit I'm unaware of (true story.. stupid new towels), follow me when Andrew comes over and goes through each of my drawers and comes in the washroom while I'm taking a shit, follow me and I will go on more dates with stupid weird people for your entertainment, follow me as I quietly rage that the tiny $25 space heater I bought blows the fuses in half of the house causing the landlord to enter my suite without my permission to flip the breaker back and then proceed to touch my stuff. Yes. This is my life. 

I realise that it is moderately unacceptable, but between getting gouged by my insurance company, the stupid car situation and the completely awful selection of cable I pay 30$ (including internet) a month for, I can't be bothered to stress myself over nosy friends or annoying superintendents and illegal apartments. Nobody had negative intentions. Nobody lied (except everyone at Volkswagen). Nobody is hurt. Thus, I am fine. 

Wow, I sound a bit unhappy. I am not. I will move out of here 5.8 months when my lease is up- in the mean time it's relatively cheap- so silver lining. And it's not like the car doesn't run...

Some guy in a pick up truck tried to race me today. CALM DOWN- obviously I kicked his ass... until we hit the speed limit- then I drove like a responsible adult. Because you have to... because there are speed cameras every where and pot holes that could swallow a Toyota Highlander. 

Totally random, when I was trying to pry the caps off of my nitrogen tires (I think I miss Binty), I noticed that there was food all over the front bit of my car. Like joe-louis or something. So I went and got gas (that hurt- $45 for 3/4 of a tank!) at a station that had a drive through car wash. It was not a drive through car wash- you have to drive in and hand wash your car because it's broken. WTF. lol Just put an out of order sign up!!!

What else is new... 

Guys, advert your eyes. 

I decided to go back onto birth control- worst idea ever. I forgot how big your boobs get... and sore! Jesus. Obviously I quit that. It's not like I need to be on it for anything...

So on that note (come on back gentlemen), I'm very single still. And I have decided that I like having a dude! like.. who is going to take my car in and get air in the tires for me?! Or scrape it off and warm it up for me? Who is going to tell me that the other lady at work has nothing on me and to keep up my good work?! And who is going help me carry the groceries? And why hasn't he shovelled the front step? I needed my feet rubbed on Friday, and I had to do it myself! lol

I'm laughing, but I'm serious.

That's new!!

I got a job in a bar called Marquee, so I worked all day at one job and then stood all night at another- hence needing a foot rub... http://marqueemansion.com/

I interviewed there on Thursday and started on Friday- training shift. I'll be working one or two shifts a week... hopefully just one, if they do end up hiring me on. Hopefully I will know that by Wednesday. The GM plays co-ed basketball and said she needs a filly for the team and asked me! So I need to get the McPherson house and get my ball gear up in heeeere! lol My coworker told me to go to walmart and get some basketball shoes. He obviously has never played, nor tried going for a jog in a pair of crappy shoes. 

Even if they never ask me to come and play, they were SO damn nice, especially for a bar, that I still can't wrap my head around it. Everyone goes for breakfast together after work.. the owners bought me a shot saying welcome to the team. It was insanely dead on my training shift and they still tipped me out (for the non bartenders out there, that never happens) evenly even though I was a third on a 2 person bar and I still made decent money. 

It is exactly what i wanted- nice people, 2 shifts or less, and the opportunity to get out there and make friends and the dj was great!. Hopefully it works out!!

What else... 

That's kind of it. Am I allowed to be annoyed that a long time friend of my mine lives in Calgary (3 hours away) and can't find an afternoon to grab coffee? I keep offering to drive down. I kind of let them know that I was annoyed by them and politely suggested that whenever they would like to take a turn reaching out, to go for it. I've known them since grade 10... be real. If you're over me since last summer, just say it but don't let foolishly try to make plans with you every week and then nothing ever happen..

Ok... I think that's it. 

My life has become boring. 

If you haven't already, can you shoot me an email or text and let me know that you receive my little updates? It makes me so happy when I do get a response! Also, my number is the same! ##########- text away!

Thank you family, Mom (McPherson mom that is.. real Mom falls under 'family'), R2 and Ola for your diligent attention. It always comes at the right moments (cue tears).

Aw. my least favourite part where I begin bawling as I write goodbye. 

... I'll go sweat it out at yoga. 

I love each of you.

Always.

Love. 

Update # 4

Hello Family and Friends,

Just about to get crazy on my Friday night here in EdMonTon... As in I'm washed up for bed and heading there as soon as I hit send. 

But. I knew you (you're like my new blog readers... only I force you to read by sending you my message directly. Thanks btw. lol) would want to know what the deal is with my new boyfriend.

yes. That's right; I have a boyfriend. I didn't consent of course. Being that my sales guy, ROD, told his boss that I'm his girlfriend, refers to me as such in emails and calls me to 'talk about the car' and then wants to discuss us. WTF.

That car that I mentioned that I'm leasing that I got on Saturday and would get in two weeks... they sold it to someone else... and that was the last one. WHAT WAS THE POINT OF MY DEPOSIT AND CONTRACT?!?!? Long annoying story short, ROD sold me another one, a model  up- for less than it markets for, and didn't have it available.. so I went to his boss... who did the same thing with another car. But this time I figured it out because I found the location he was going to get it from and I called them. They didn't  have the car either... it was sold.

SO. I scrapped ROD and his boss and went to that other dealer (in Red Deer Alberta) and am buying a car outside of my initial budget. yayaya.... give me your lessons later. And after i confirmed with ROD and his boss that i would not be buying a car from them and to give me my deposit back, ROD proceeded to call me several times, text me, email ect. 

In his final email, he wrote this:

"I pride myself on being professional and trying to go that extra mile for my customers which is reflected by the numerous repeat and referral customers I have been having lately.

 

And on a personal note, I had a blast with you on your birthday and think your an awesome and very passionate and beautiful woman who is possessed with a fantastic smile and I would love to have hung out with you but I think it might be best we go our separate ways.

Your non responsiveness when I mentioned the " other relationship " (for lack of a better term), several times in previous emails has lead me to believe you just wanted it to remain professional and I fully understand and respect that. Or am I misunderstanding this also?

 

Anyways, thanks for the opportunity to try and earn your business and for the great date,

 

take care of yourself and all the luck," 

Did I tell you he's 42? I love that he almost knows that I'm not interested. Fool. When I told his manager about how weird he was being, he burst out laughing and said that he knew... and that he's never known ROD to date or even talk to women so he can understand how excited ROD must be.

All I'm saying is,.... isn't ROD the name of a car from the movie Cars? I don't know.... definitely not the winning car. I'll ask my nephew.. he's 2 and apparently judges people better than I do..!

WINNING!!

Speaking of which. I purchased a car today (McQueen approved). In Red Deer. It takes about 1.5hours each way to get there. So I'm not sure how I will get there to pick it up... but it's mine as of tomorrow!! Insurance kicks in Monday... any day after that I can get it!!!

I'm a wee bit tired at this moment, due to the near 4 hours that I spent driving plus the test drive time.

which is what spawned me to write this email...

Highway 2, in Alberta, is a massive span of highway... next to the Trans Canada of course. There are more cars in the ditch than there are 'deer crossing' signs than there are cars (as opposed to trucks) than there are cops... 

When I was leaving the dealer at 6:30pm... the sun was almost down and he warned me to watch out for deer (after he suggested that while it would be nice for me to see the mountains and trails, it's probably best that I don't so I don't get mauled by a pack of the various types of animals. In Sum- Wilderness fun alone, is not fun). It's hard to watch for deer, when one mistake at the wheel will land you in 10 feet of ditch... (why dig the ditches down like that?), or when the pot holes are so big you can't be watching the bushes for eyes, or that when you do look for eyes, you see them and slam on your breaks, but the 'eyes' are a ditched cars, reflective gear ect. 

TREACHERY.

I don't know how much it costs at home, but it's $25 with tax to have a chip in your window fixed... it happens so often. I discovered today that Alberta is trying to adopt Ontario's winter road treatment. Just do it. Gravel is unsafe... and I don't want your stupid roads to ruin my new car :D

ALSO. 

This update is really boring. I probably won't even post it on my blog. lol

I'm so tired. 

I hate waking up (well... my alarm goes off at 5:45am, I wake up at about 6, get up at about 6:20 {except the last two days I got up at 6:50 and raced to work.. oops!}, shower and eat by 7 and then smash a coffee and hop in the car by 7:15) so early... If we didn't all eat lunch together, I would nap instead of eating.

speaking of which... seems like winter weight out here is different... it's thicker. lol. fml. but mostly lol.

OK> BORING EMAIL OVER BECAUSE I HAVE TO GO TO BED OR SWIG. OR BOTH.

Preet said she would send me a hug today. I got it, but I haven't opened it yet.. I'm going to do so before bed. but if any of you would like to send me a hug, you have my address. and my email. and my number is still ##########

i miss your hugs.

(Chris, Nicole, Preet, Dad.. I owe you calls or emails back!- thank you for them.)

Also. Locals call the West Edmonton Mall 'West Ed'.... WHY?!?! And can't these damn rednecks say anything properly!? West Ed?! Really? That could mean anything.. west ed apartments west ed community centre, west ed (location) or MAYBE West Ed is West END and I can't understand your lack of enunciation..! 

As someone who cares about me, if you catch a change in the way that I speak, please- tell me, mock me.. do what you have to do to get the old Bobbi talk back... Daddy- do you feel to debate that? HOW YOU DO?! 

If you are unable to get me a hug all the way out here, then please send some or one to 419b dayna crescent. My pregnant sister has two more weeks of work before she's off and I KNOW she could use the energy and love (I LOVE YOU SISTER!).

Love you. miss you.

I cry every time I write that, and just before I push send. It's a happy sad cry. Because, like I said, love you- miss you.

I drew you a picture of the roads. It's selling for like, oh I don't know, the same price as other famous art is selling for in Edmonton... so, don't try and copy it.

stay well.

Love.

Ps. "I googled you"

Confessions From Your Last Relationship

I am supposed to be working... but instead I'm kind of working and mostly thinking about the conversation I had with the old ex last night. 

I will never understand lying to someone... whether it be by omission or many many white lies or what. I just don't get how doing a wrong, can make something right or make you look better or convince you that you're more lovable behind the veil. Just don't do it. 

The two relationships I admire the most and have the most love in them, have no secrets. Tony and Lola, Mark and Maggie.

Regardless, it made me think of these two lovely Marilyn Monroe quotes.. 

Update # 3.. Edmonton

Hello TEAM!!

Did I tell you about that time when I thought I was going to blow up the house? It was last Sunday. The stove, it's a gas stove, was not even... so whenever I attempted to cook anything, it all slid to one side of the pan. So I wedged cardboard under the stove so that it would level out. It worked. But in doing so I disconnected the gas line and gas was slowly leaking into the apartment. After about an hour of leaking gas and not being able to figure it out, I blew out all of candles, put on fire retardant clothing and prepared to go and knock on the superintendents door and confess what I had done. When who should appear but Andrew and his husband... actually that wasn't so much magic as I'd forgot that I 'd invited them over... anyway, the husband, Justin, lifted up the top of the stove and showed me that the pilot went out and how to relite it... No gas leak. lol THANK GOD.

He also installed my new toilet seat I bought and put my fan together while Andrew and I had some wine. WINNING!

I also, as I've mentioned, want to get a second job, to make friends. It occurred to me that I could have 3 jobs... one as a secret shopper. So I signed up with two companies... somehow I have spent 80$ signing up to get access to signup to secret shopper jobs. EPIC FAIL. 

I just want to get paid to go shopping!!! Jeez.

So date yesterday. and I use the word date loosely... because half the time i felt like I was out with my father, if he was a stick in the mud, and the other half of the time I was grossed out. 

I have something against mouth breathers. I admit it, I can't change and I don't want to. If your mouth has no obstructions and your nose isn't stuffed, there is no reason why you should be breathing through your mouth and slapping your tongue around like you're on the last leg of a marathon... or even like you're on a brisk walk. His mouth breathing ruined the movie for me. Also the fact that he thought  it was cute to throw popcorn at me while we were watch Django. Suuuuure, throw food at the only black person in Edmonton (not true) while you watch a movie revolving around slavery. Fool. And then he said he didn't like the movie because there was too much shooting and blood. Oh. I'm sorry. Did you just crawl out of a hole... it's Tarantino!! What did you think was going to happen... that Nicholas Sparks would write the ending?!

Then he drove me to my car as I was parked far away and it was freezing. i felt I'd dropped the 'friend' bomb enough time over the evening, but just incase, before I got out of the car, I gave this 42 year man a hug and said, "Thanks for being my birthday friend!". He proceeded to call out my name as I exited, like I was refusing to get off of the swings and it was his turn, grab my arm and reel me in for a kiss. Which, I will take some responsibility for... He smashed his lips into mine and kissed me like you kiss playing 7 minutes in heaven for the first time (aka you don't kiss and if you do, you peck so damn hard you wonder what the excitement was all about). So that was nice.

Then he texted saying that he had a great time and that the best part of his night was my smile (obvi) and the smell of my perfume on his jacket... VOMIT.

But the movie came after dinner... so there is more!!

I don't have the physical dexterity in my fingers to describe with the detail, the dinner portion of the evening with the flare it deserves. I will tell you what matters. Like how when I walked in he was already seated sipping coffee (with the movie and popcorn tickets already purchased...) and they were giving away samples of the house wine. When I sat i joked with him that I didn't take one because I didn't want to give a bad first impression and show off my alcoholic tendencies. 

That is funny.

Because i am not an alcoholic and. because it just is. 

He responded with, yeah.. "me too, i really struggled with that for a while". Of course I immediately felt like an asshole and apologised and asked if he was a recovering alcoholic. He said no not at all, he just used to run a bar for 7 years and likes to always have a drink. but in moderation. and he disguises it and puts it in a coffee mug so nobody knows. so he can always be drinking.

I was lost. Can I drink?... Can i not drink..? Will he turn into a raging drunk or a sad weeper...? is he actually struggling?... So i asked if he was kidding or not and he said, 'what do you mean?'

After some debate he gave me PERMISSION to get a glass of wine and suggested which wines to have (I don't want a damn Pinot Noir), also told me which food to eat and suggested all of the cheap things on the menu. i did get one of his cheap suggestions and it was good, but still.

I got a bottle of wine and we split it. But I would've been happy to drink it alone. 

Other random stuff... like he went on for some time about how he hates talking about himself, like at interviews when they ask you about yourself and you have to say something. Then he told me all about his family and how he's the favourite son, and how all he does is work and hang out with his cousins... who are under 10 years old. He lives with his mother and Aunt (wwaaaaait a minute... that sounds like the last guy I dated.<3 42.="" barely="" did="" div="" he="" i="" lol="" mention="" nbsp="" s="" spoke.="">

He also told me several times that birthdays are his favourite holiday (holiday... really?) and that is why it is important that I have fun and not to forget that his birthday is April 2nd. When i told the server opening the wine that he (the server) had nice hands, as soon as the server walked away he (the 'date') told me that other people tell him that he has nice hands too... lol. He also kept telling me how everyone always likes him, no matter where he goes. And that I can be his facebook friend if I want as long as I don't get jealous that he has more female friends than male friends and that he still talks to his last three ex girlfriends... I actually burst out laughing at that point.

He told me that he googled me, described his Wii character to me, thought it was a funny joke to say that he meets girls by selling them cars then he knows where they live and comes by and kills them (i'm serious. and don't worry mom. I sleep with a switch blade and this guy would be far to nervous 'perform' a 'murder').. what else.. oh. didn't hold a single door, planned our next outing at the Keg.... And his VW Golf is souped- up. lol

I'm getting bored regaling you with the tales of my evening... 

He had some admirable qualities. I thought it was cute that he was nervous and tried so hard... He gave me a card and lotto tickets and some car air-freshener for my birthday. He wouldn't let me have cake though, because he'd pre bought the popcorn (which I don't eat)... And it was better than my plan of yoga, sushi and a movie alone- company is usually a gift. 

He's just not my type. in general. How can I say that in a nicer way?

We would probably make better friends with other people than with each other. 

And then TODAY!!

I will summarize and tell you that the car he sold to me, he didn't actually sell. As in he didn't sign my name to the car that's coming in for me and someone else bought it. So now I would have to wait until the end of April to get my damn car. But he told me that while addressing me as his girlfriend in his emails, WHILE trying to upsell me to another available car. 

I'm sure you, the people who know me best, can imagine the curt email I sent back.

so now I'm car shopping again... maybe just at another dealership.... we'll see.

I find it hard to believe that every volkswagen in the Western half of the country is sold out, EXCEPT the top of the line model...

Anyway...

I had a lovely birthday. The HR lady at work baked pie (even though she inscribed the initials of two men that we work with on them... lol), but I learned a lot yesterday, workwise. 

My mom sent me flowers and they smell amazing!! So that was nice to come home to!!! I got so many facebook wishes, I reread them all before I went to bed.. made me SO happy!

I got to speak with a friend or two on the phone and got a few nice personalised emails and vms and Candi made me an epic birthday video with a hello! Love it... So I guess it was a nice day, all in all I suppose! 

I didn't get any cake though. So I  may bake one this weekend and eat the whole thing after I put 29 candles on it. whatevs. ;)

Stay well.

I love you. 

Love.

Update #2

Update from yesterday, Feb.18

HI Team!!

I got into a little furnished bachelor apartment in house... 
I moved in on Saturday... then spent a small fortune buying things like dishes and bed sheets
... and spent Saturday and Sunday trying to fashion various filters to put in under and over the vents because the lovely superintendents smoke like chimneys in the house. Yuck... and it filters into my life. But I figured it out! And currently my places smells like chili. Because I am making some. 

I also got approved to finance a car! Woot first car that I bought by myself!!
I however have decided to lease my new volkswagen jetta and will get my hands on it the first week of march, it's in shipment.

I joined a moksha yoga studio... that, aside from car and debt payments will be my big spend on myself every month... hopefully i will make some friends there!
I went for the first time on Wednesday and laid in childs pose (aka in a ball on the floor) pretty much the entire time! I haven't been to yoga since 2009 and I almost passed out and just couldn't get myself back together.
Then I was dehydrated from sweating so much and felt sick all day Thursday... so I skipped yoga and drank a bottle of prosecco instead. Obviously that did not help and I had my first Friday at work and also my first work hang over. 

On valentines day, the company owner came into work with  yellow roses for the 4 ladies (moi included) in the office. His name is Irv. He's 81 and come into the office every day for a few hours and putts around. His wife passed away recently.. I think he likes the company. 
I was able to a lure a hug from him as thanks... but really getting a hug was a gift for me.

A guy I went to high school with, Andrew Foley, lives about 15 minutes from me. He found my complaints about Alberta on my facebook and we reconnected. 
Him and his husband have been godsends. They had me over last week and cooked me dinner, and took me for indian food yesterday as a birthday dinner....

Segway (that isn't a word?!) to my birthday.

I have not been looking forward to it... I had set some goals for myself to achieve on my last birthday and only met one (get a grown up job). I know that age is just a number and it is not a reflection of all of the value that i have in my life... I have so many amazing friends and my family is great and I have my health. One really shouldn't ask for much more than that...
Actually I feel better as I type that out. So many of you h ave been so kind and so generous with me in so many different ways
But I still don't want to turn 29 and be 3500km away from everyone I love. 

But if you call me tomorrow, I  may not pick up because I will either be working or getting ready to go on a date with my car salesman. Lame. He's 42. Don't worry- I told myself the next time I date an older guy, he at least has to be rich, so this won't be anything serious. lol
He asked me out over a text message. SO LAME. and then asked me where I wanted to eat and what movie I wanted to see. Also Lame. how about you plan the date you asked me out on. So I will not be treating it as a date... but as something to do on my birthday. I don't think it is a date actually... because he's been so lame and because in one of his texts he said he couldn't let me be alone on my birthday. It's a pity situation. Which works for me because I want some free stuff with my car. So far he's thrown in the custom Jetta rubber floor mats. 

Have any suggestions as to what else I should try and get?!

LOL.
I'm going to hell. 

So the job is good... i still have SO much to learn! But I cannot express how kind and patient everyone has been. 

I'll be attempting my second yoga class today and am going to make it a habit... my goal today is to only lay in childs pose for 1/4 of the class... haha.

I am otherwise superduper lonely. I have received a phone call from one of you almost everyday and I love you for it.
My focus is to be better company to myself... because it's not like I'm bored; I think I just think about how far you all are too much!

I also have to get off my ass and find a job in a night club for the weekends. Make some cash money and get in a workplace with people closer to my age!

And just so you know, i've only signed a 6 month lease so far on my humble abode so if any of you want to move out here, we can get a place together and be friends.

Also I have skype. Thebobbijaye. And i  have unlimited canada wide calling... so if you want to chat, msg me and I can call you. Also. don't forget I'm 2 hours behind you!

My address for now is 33 ave nw, edmonton alberta. Everyone here thinks not have street names but numbers is brilliant. I find it very annoying, although logical. All of the streets run east west and the aves run north south. So 50th street runs into 50th ave. and there will be more than one 50th ave because one will be 50th ave nw and another will be 50th ave. To get to my AVE you turn off of 85th street, and then the first right is 85-1 street. That is ridiculous. I would like to contact the province and offer to go around renaming streets. Because they are obviously struggling. 
anyway...

I looooove you!

love.