The Plan

This is not going to plan.

Or any  backup plan.

Plan Z: make a better plan.

I Broke My Own Rule and I Didn't Even Finish

I have had the rare experience as a female, to have been working with almost solely men for the last year... there was a three month period in the last 12 months where I wasn't working at all... that was a whole other unrelated catastrophe... anyway.
It is truly an experience to work in a so called mans world and be the only female. There were of course other women who came and went, only 2 on my team of about 250. I worked on a mine so the majority of jobs were labourers (what a job... so much work- the title gives such workers no justice), carpenters, rodbusters, surveyors, pipefitters, welders ect. and for about every 30 workers there are foreman, leadhands, general foreman and each of them reports to select supervisors- for my specific team, that makes about 300 people.
There is an administrator and an engineer that are women, myself, a purchasing coordinator turned carpenter, a labourer who acts as a runner (drives back and forth to town retrieving items as directed) and two other females who either quit or were fired.
My company had about 400 people on the job and I reported to (until I went on the tools) every engineer, project coordinator, project manager, supervisor and foreman- I knew almost everybody (and had all of the gossip- Ladies let me tell you- MEN ARE WAY WORSE FOR CATTY GOSSIP AND GAMES THAN WOMEN, at least women eventually call each other out TRUTHFULLY). The job site itself has over 2000 people working on it and it is not quite at the peak of construction.

There are little things that you handle, as a friendly and attractive female, on a daily basis; marriage proposals called out to you as you walk past men you've never seen, being stared at, being asked out on dates by strangers, being followed around in camp, receiving creepy texts inviting you to Tinder and other similar sites, being asked for naked photos out of the blue, being told that the way you grip the shaft of your hammer is sexy, being asked to walk through the field to bring the guys morale up ect..
There are other other little things that you also have to handle like appreciating the guys not farmer blowing their noses (where you plug one nostril and blow your snot on the ground and then do the other side *vomit*) or spitting in front of you, guys never speaking ill of women they've been with recently, offers to help you carry heavy tools and lumber or help you up a ladder or getting several suggestions on how to do a task in an easier way- patience is not a virtue of mine but for the most part, the guys and men that I work with easily remain patient with myself and each other...
...Which is hard to do. There is a certain amount of pressure on each individual to perform their designated task quickly and perfectly on the first try.

I recently had the opportunity to work with a crew that was comprised of guys who have either been friends since childhood or had worked together for several years. The nature of Industrial Carpentry industry is such that you may work with one person for 1 project and then never work with them ever again and would be lucky to have a boss that invited your from job to job. It says something about that crews leadership that they have all continued to strive to work as one successful unit.

Aaaaanyway. As you can imagine, when you're working away from home and news headlines are about war, ISIS and shootings, conversation is often about when the next beers will be drank, what so and so's kids and partner are up to and sex. Guys do not care about your recent pedicure nor do they want to mull over how you should get your hair cut... mmmmm why not- we could kill hours talking about that stuff! LET'S DO MAKEOVERS!!!
I'm sure ladies, that you can also imagine, that being one of the select females surrounded by relatively fit manly men swinging hammers, sweating and lifting shit, sex crosses my mind more than it ever has- such a problem. Definitely not a problem that my vibrator can't handle though-thank gawd!
Sleeping with your boss or coworker is never a good idea. I've dated people that I've worked with before- I even lost a job over it when the employer found out and by then we were in a full blown relationship.
However, I have noticed that it is completely acceptable to for men and guys to sleep with their female coworkers or employees but it is not acceptable for females to do the same (uhhh when you're away from home, working and staying in camp, where exactly are these guys going to get vagina from?... their female coworkers because there is literally no one else).
I have learned as well, that there are some rules that most men, at least out in the construction industry, follow that society would consider unfair or immoral... let me fill you in:
-if you're single, it doesn't matter the relationship status of the other person you're intimate- unless you're a female
-if you're in a different area code then your partner, it doesn't count as cheating- unless you're female
-you can sleep with as many people as you want and it's congratulatory- unless you're a female (uuhh slut)
-talking dirty about sex in general is completely appropriate- unless your a girl and then it's gross half of the time
-sleeping with the boss is completely okay as long as it's on the down low and they never change their mind about you - unless you're a female

That world is a man's world... and it really hinders my sex life, as I refuse to let it hinder my reputation.

Point Taken...

I went to the camp gym today with a coworker...first time in a gym in months.

I lasted 15 minutes on the treadmill. And did arms.
Somewhere in between there messages from my ex got to me and I started loud talking and of course bawling.
Obviously Coworker wanted to know what was up... I just told him that everything was golden until we moved in together and then all of his (qpipe) truths trickled out.

Coworker's response?

Okay. So the house burned down while you were in it. You're not in it anymore... that would be worse.

Tears dried. Bastard. Right on point.

Also. Let's discuss how I get my own company vehicle (so not that exciting... I can only use it for work purposes but hey!)!!!

Feel free to send feed back on how to stay awake when driving for up to 8 hours a day... in-between actual work!

Hashtag imanalbertaoilworker

Blood. Sweat. And then tears.

"A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed"

"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down." - Oprah

Remember that time I met a guy that I suppose I knew from a life before, fell in love with him and moved across the province to be with him; sacrificing my job, proximity to all things first world and friendships and then things more than didn't work out?

The worst part about falling in love with someone ( herein known as QPipe) who doesn't know or trust themselves, is that you don't know that you don't know them- that your lover is a liar and they don't know it... it's a deep and dark river to wade in; it takes lots of fight and of course, time for wounds to heal.

The upside of any matters of a broken heart are the friends. The ones who call 3 times a day to talk about nothing but are really seeing how you are, the ones who work all day and drive 6 hours each way to move you out, the ones who tell you it's okay to break a few things but let you yell them instead, the ones who are completely oblivious because you haven't told because you're still ashamed but call to say they were thinking of you, the ones who stay up way too late and always answer when you call way to early to have them help you figure out what you already knew; you know, those kinds of friends.
What on earth would we do without that group of people that we get to choose to be our family?

Not that you're asking, but Thank You Friend.

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." - C.S. Lewis

Also. The last sentence has been removed as per QPipe's request... a first time editing a blog because someone asked me to... I'm entirely displeased that I've respected his wishes.

I am not good at:

Forgiveness is choosing to love. It is the first skill of self-giving love. —Gandhi

You May Not Eat With Your Elbows On the Table If You Want To Dine With Me

I'm a bed hog.

But I know if you're crawling in next to me to move over. I might not manage to stay over and equally share the sheets, but when I was conscious I wanted to and I did.
The man that I will share my bed with will do the same, I'm sure.

This Is Happening

     My heart has beat, and well, for thirty years. 30. That's fucked up. I can't beat myself off for thirty seconds without a cramp... but I guess those are different muscles.
And my skin, my largest and arguably, most beautiful organ is 30 years.
It is holding in what can only be damaged (slightly and hopefully less) kidneys and liver and lungs; also thirty.
My abs seem to be 40 something with no excuse besides that they never get used... however my back is the same age, if not older, and it's used often and often complains. Nothing happened per say, just those bits of me seem wearied. And wary. Perhaps my 3 year old love handles aren't as kind as their name suggests...
My knees could argue their age but they too are thirty - despite the banging and bending and kneeling, surgeries and jumping and resting across each other.
My feet aren't cute, but they never were. In their humble size of 8.5 on my 5'10" figure carrying an extra 20 pounds, they have served me well and I treat them like queens and they too, are 30. Thirty years. I have got out of bed with them, stood on them when I was tired, kneeled on my toes when I wept as easily as when I played with children, celebrated on them, got from A to B and sometimes even Z... and they kept going even when I passed A again. 30 years!

I have so many wonderfully sad disappointments and more victories, even if small and never once did my 30 year old self retire.

Heaven knows my brain will tease itself and my body all the way to the end, be it bitter or sweet.

I was just feeling lonely and wide awake in my bed and thinking that I didn't shower today and should wash my sheets as their week of worth is almost up anyway... and I meant to write about laundry not this.

I suppose what we do to disgrace this gentle, resilient and recuperating machine called My Body is like doing laundry... we just cleanse away all of our transgressions and rub and rub until the stain is out. Or get used to our new marking.

Cheers my friend, to at least Thirty (x2) more happy and healthy years of washing colourful  loads together!

(My my that cheers was raunchy)

My shoulders are tight

I felt it creeping up but I kept stretching it out. And now it's gotten to the point that even when I'm happy I can't flatten it out.

It is in my mind and in my body and I cannot iron it out on my own.

When will I learn to breathe deeply enough that I can stand up straight and proud and comfortable without having to do it on purpose.
?
Where did my conscious proudness go?

Sharing the Bed

I'm not sure if my bf is a bed hog (he sleeps way down and forces me to be the big spoon... I hate it) or if I enjoy sleeping in the centre of the bed so much that dividing it equally in half would take away part of my true joy.