I'm aware that this is ridiculous. But.

I wonder if when you have a really great period in your life, if you can have it again... not that same period, but that level of happiness.
Like I had some of the best times in my life in highschool- granted also some of the worst.
But now that I think about it, I also had a wonderful childhood- the bits I remember anyway.
Ok. And I have amazing friends... that makes me happy.

I've been watching too much of Til Debt Do Us Part and worrying. and Criminal Minds. And buying too many lottery tickets. And working too much and making too little. I've gotten into this sneaky little trend of spending a lot of money on entertainment lately. Movies. Beers on patios. My Limbo boyfriend. More drinking. I've gotten some bad habits lately- which have made it difficult to be proud.
Luckily not less ambitious.

I'm making lists. Lists of people I'd give money too if I won the lottery. Lists of things I will do if I never win the lottery. Lists for debt repayment plans. Lists of people I'd like to be more like and why. Lists of how I could sneak into the neighbours unit and blow up the sub-woofer... got side tracked. But they drive me nuts... loud music ALL of the time. Well, from 9am to 10pm. WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE ALL DAY?! Don't you know I'm sleeping/cooking/blogging/watching tv/singing to my coffee cup/sweating through  Ripped in 30?
Anyway...
List of the things I couldn't live without having (like children). Lists of career ideas/interests. Lists. In order of importance... or they will be once I figure that out.

I went to the best wedding this past weekend. Everyone was so happy. It made me want to work harder on making myself happy. Which instantly made me think of money. Which made me think of quickly getting a lot. Which made me smile. Which made me happy. Which, for a moment, reminded me of my happiest times. Whhhiiiich were in highschool. Soley highschool- or so I though. And then the wedding reminded me of the lists I'd thought to start making and all of the research I have to do. to be happy. like I was at that wedding.
Hence this weird blog.

Failed post from yesterday..

I'm trying to figure out how to write a blog in my email and send it from my phone. I suppose I'll have to go online to figure it out as I've not yet done so and am writing in vain from my blackberry.
I got an iphone for my birthday- in February. It's still in the wrapper. I wonder if I'd be able to figure it out from an iphone. I'm scared of touch screens. For now.

I told a customer, PS from herein, that I blogged and he wanted to know the address. I didn't tell him. So he asked what I write about. I said it's like a journal. But I don't write often because I use it like a journal and I don't want people I know to get the wrong idea... It's just verbal diarreah. And that I talk about people I know and love in it. It's a blog for strangers. And strange thoughts.
I told him it gets as many hits as wikipedia but not from withing NA. He laughed. But I didn't; in hopes that my dry humour may translate to sincerity and cause him to be impressed. Fail. So I laughed then.

I was short with The Guy I'm Dating today. He accidentally broke my heart. I'm hoping I can accept his apology and our differences and put my heary back together- even better than it was before it was broken. That would be nice. I googled how to do so. There were no youtube videos and only sad yahoo blogs written by distressed teens figuring out how to love again after their hearts were broke or were learning to love and didn't get what it meant.
I didn't learn anything from my sad search.
Except maybe, that I'm still learning how to love myself- and by that I mean as well. At least that's what I think I mean.

When your feet get tired, run with your heart...

We stopped doing little things for each other. That's how I knew we weren't in the same kind of love any more.
He stopped with the morning coffees and picking up his dirty socks. So she stopped making his breakfast when she made hers. Then he stopped changing her laundry from one machine to the other. She stopped kissing him on the forehead when he was sleeping. Soon, they started leaving for their days without kissing goodbye.
After, she found out he'd thought she'd become mean. He found out she thought he'd been unambitious.

They say you can fix this. You just have to learn how. You just have to want to learn how.