I haven't meditated since I joined a led meditation group in first year university. It scared me then and it scares me now.
The web instructions say that you just need to find 10-20 mins a day, preferably in the morning, of silence.
Today was day one of the challenge. I woke up, had coffee, showered, got ready foe the day and was about to head out the door before I remembered that I'd signed up for this 21 day journey.
So I locked myself in my bedroom, jammed in ear plugs and hit the start button on the days message and guided meditation.
Turns out you can't hear Oprah or Deepak's instructions after you deafen yourself... so much for my cheat plan to block out external noise sans deep focus. without earplugs you can hear the days mantra being given and why and how to use it. Tears streamed down my face.
I couldn't find my deepest desire. How can I be my deepest desire if I don't know what it is or can't word it?
I'm entirely sure I spent 9.9 of the 10 mins try to remember to acknowledge my thoughts and listen to my breath... wondering if people actually see a third eye or if they feel it or if a third eye is how your eyes focus inside your physical brain when they know it's more light outside of your head than in.
Shortly before I I completed my last panicked I-dont-think-I-can-do-this-stillness breath the bell rang and I was released.
The cold tingle in my spine, similar to being decompressed by a chiropractor, warmed; my thoughts cleared and for a brief moment my deepest desire was to be thankful I had given myself this gift...
Of course then I had to quickly journal about my experience (3 lines later..{whhat that's IIT!?}) and then re read the meditation guidelines Oprah and Deepak had provided.
*sigh* I did it right. I stuck through, acknowledge my (many many) thoughts and refocused on the mantra and my breath.
I'm having a rough go of this life right now and really lack direction and don't know where to find myself in my jumble and that 10 minutes renewed my day.
At least I'm attributing my lack of disappointment usually present throughout the day to the new thing in my day: meditation.
This day is a gift. Your gift. The only one like it. If you can stop to be grateful for it no matter what, imagine the life that you could share with others?
No comments:
Post a Comment