Un-indentured Apprentice

I applied for zero jobs today.

Did I mention I don't have a full time job? I'm living on tip to tip working two nights a week at a club because I quit the job I had because I hated it so much. I used to cry knowing that I had to spend 8-11 hours there... with people who didn't like me and vice versa, doing work that I didn't find meaningful and didn't pay well. My happiness is more than that crappy py check and I'd done that to myself before working at Pravda (a great bar) in Toronto and promised myself that I would never do it again.

So I kept my part time job at the amazing Marquee Lounge in Edmonton and enjoyed the Alberta summer, drinking beer and wishing I had a bike to ride around.

And for the last 2 months spend 4 days a week online applying for any job where I think there would be growth potential, hitting the street every now and then with resumes and trying to network with clients and their associates.

I probably should've started volunteering the second that I quit my last job... to build a new network.
I probably should drop more resumes in person.
I probably shouldn't have quit my last job.
I probably shouldn't be discouraged by rejection emails after interviews stating various reasons for the direction they chose.
I probably should narrow my search and really focus on one field.

But I'm really smart. And reliable. And a quick learner. And physically strong. I have my resume on every job bank you can think of. I have all of my tickets to work in the field... and it's high season so I know people are needed (I apply to the ads!) And I have a degree which proves what these days... and a list of amazing references.

It is October 15 and I'm quite certain I've applied for over 70 jobs so far this month. I heard back from one job saying that 'an email with details would follow tomorrow' (nothing... I sent a follow up and check my mail... it's been 4 days) and wake up to auto emails everyday saying that I didn't meet the minimum qualifications (really... it's admin work.. I can learn codes, type letters, book meetings and answer phones... I have been an exec assistant before!!!) but to 'please continue to our careers page'.

My mom asked me again today when I'm going to move home.
My 3 year old light-of-my-life nephew didn't feel like skyping yesterday... he was building a fort.

I didn't apply for any jobs today. I just sent email after email to myself reminding me of places to apply to tomorrow.
I just wasn't up for the rejection you know?

Wednesday. Hump day. Start fresh. Migraine free. Hot off the press resumes and a full tank of gas.

This does not count as Cheating, but it should still be punished.

So I may be on to something when I say I should write about dating.

I got another chance to work with the beautiful and enthusiastic Jennifer Dolynchuk today- she has partnered up to create a documentary on fear and was interviewing me on being afraid of heights.

Then she asked me what other things I am afraid of and suggested spiders and dating... and I went on a small tangent.
When I was done telling the small stories that make up my life she was laughing so hard she was worried that she'd ruined the take... and said it's funny because it's real and we've all experienced it... I think that I agree!?


Anyway...
So this guy, who I desperately do not want to remain nameless but will, is a super asshole. Let's talk about it.
We'll call him FZD from here in.. FRIEND ZONE DAVE.

I actually called him FZD, that was his nickname over the last months. He earned it. We met at a job site and the likeliness of me ever having to work with him again is about 0%... although I can imagine ending up as his boss one day. Wouldn't that be fun....
focus.
So I didn't have to worry about the whole dating a coworker thing. He is super cute, funny, relaxed and fun to hang out with. Being that the last guy who tried to date me, TTC, lied about everything under the sun and was super intense about keeping up that lie- still is-  FZD was a nice break. He is also 2 years younger than me so not 12 years older than me like my last boyfriend... ALSO A LIAR... why and how do I accept these creatures into my life?
focus.
However, the 'let's shag' vibe quickly faded... whenever we hung out he was drunk and would push, hit and strangle me in my sleep and even one time cussed me out because I wouldn't give him a 'blowie' as he calls it. I wouldn't do anything with FZD because he has slept with over 200 women he thinks but has lost count and wouldn't get checked to sleep with me.
Like, I'm no Sports Illustrated model but I think that I'm attractive... and if a guy visits you at work, drives to your town to hang out and shows general interest, he is probably interested right...? So why not get checked.. it's takes 10 minutes.
I, after quickly learning more about FZD decided that I was not actually attracted to FZD, that he was never going to get checked because he is sleeping with other gals and that I was like no other he'd attempted to date because I challenged him, didn't let him push me around and made him laugh. So I told him that we were just going to be friends. Hence FZD.
And he wouldn't take no for an answer. And up until yesterday was reminding me that he was now checked and clean and ready to go.

My frustration with FZD lies in the fact that he wouldn't leave well enough alone and just be friends. He told my roomie that he was going to be the best boyfriend ever to me if I would let him, and told me that he's so attracted to me and misses me when I'm not with him ect.

So this FZD guy whom I do not want to date, but who is trying to sleep with/date me, is dating someone else!

And it infuriates me because I can't stand a liar and we talked about that and then he lied. Clearly he is not capable of being friends because he can't even tell me that he's been dating this girl for however long. And he's trying to bone me. And date this girl. And date me. And is boning that girl. And she's in love. I know this because it's all over facebook (yes. facebook people).

I took the liberty of writing on facebook under their new relationship status that FZD finally getting checked paid off in the long run (blah blah blah i'm such a child.). Her friend didn't like that. I also noticed that his friends didn't like that she claimed that Dave was in a relationship... which just adds to my opinion of him that he keeps his relationships private because he has to because he keeps several on the go.

So most of July, August, September and now October, FZD has been after me. And he's got another lady. WHO DOES THAT?! AND THANK GOODNESS I SAID NO! fzd.

So dating.

This is why ladies and gentleman (and I know that you are out there because my friends have married you and I'm still single so..), it is okay to take your time to get to know someone, to be vulnerable with them, to be generous with them... because you have to protect yourself and them from prematurely giving trust where it is not due.

Honestly

I should start blogging about dating... although at this point it's mostly me just saying no....  So few of the men are appealing to me... and not physically, mentally, emotionally! Be real, looks fade.
And.
There is this weird expectation that because Man thinks Woman is cute, Woman must also think that Man is cute. Not so.

And like seriously, how can Man suggest that Woman will love him if Woman will give Man a chance! Man doesn't even know Woman's name yet... how does Man already know what she likes? What if Woman is a lesbian? Has a Man already? Isn't ready to date? Doesn't want to break Mans heart because he will totally fall for Woman and then she has a serial stalker on her hands?

What if Man spent time getting to know Woman in a normal casual non liplicking way and Woman realised that Man was worth a date or two and goes for it and then man never shows up or drops his phone in the toilet and lost her number or barely speaks during dinner or says he's a doctor and isnt or love making money more than his own body or family or his non-courting true self was not as appealing as the Man he was pretending to be so Woman is over it; hurt and annoyed by the really bad selfish sex but over it... like...

What if...

Broads didn't sleep with the good Man, take their money and run and leave Kelly Clarkson and I to clean up all of those beautiful disasters..?

I should blog/journal about my dating life on the regular.

Also. I saw so many bison today in Elk Island National Park. My blood pressure will never be as low as before this day.

Dating in 2013

All I'm saying is.... well, dating is hard to do.

Step 1. Give man # and assume will get call
Step 2. Receive text & wonder about his ability to communicate
Step 3. Text back
Step 4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 for about a week
Step 5. Get bored & call man for a conversation
Step 6. Hang up from 3 minute conversation
Step 7. Next!

Y2K 3peat

Apparently the world is going to end next week.

Which is really too bad and it sounds painful (we'll get stuck in another planets orbit and it will take our gravity and the sun).

Sending out my love, condolences and luck in advance!

I love..

Sending emails home and getting a response.

Love my peeps

"...I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart"

Miss Me When I'm Gone

Just after I finished highschool, one of my favourite people died. I’m not sure what it was about her; It wasn’t that she was any smarter or kinder than most of the wonderful people in my life. She had this warmth about her; like if you could actually see someone’s aura or predict their karma, hers would be full of life, warm and welcoming- she hugged everybody. She was also very religious which makes her death that much more tragic to me but that is another subject altogether. She had prepared her two children and husband for her death and it was simple, beautiful and sad. Just thinking about the beauty she brought to everyone’s lives brings tears to my eyes (although that doesn’t take much). Anyway, when she did pass, I was so blown away by going into work again the next day, and the simplicity of my routine and that the world hadn’t stopped. How did the world not stop? And why didn’t it take a while for the world to slowly get back to itself?

There have been many nights out here in Alberta where I’ve laid awake wondering, selfishly, for wanting that to happen to all of my Ontario loves. I want your worlds to stop until I get back because I miss you. Yes you… In this group email. There is something about you that I think about all of the time. I am so lucky to have such amazing people in my life- we have had so much laughter and I miss it.

That said, WHAT UP!?!?!

I’m sitting on the floor of my new room, located in Devon Alberta, drinking cold black hazelnut coffee- it’s all that CJ drinks (add cream-yuck). CJ is my roommate/landlord/Edmonton Best Girl Bestie.

When I went to Calgary for the Stampede (total bust… I was bottle service and never got a table. Working for Cowboys cost me money. Lame) I gave up my apartment because I was to be returning to Toronto for a job (another bust; the day I was to hit the road I got a one line email saying “bad news…  I am so sorry to let you know that our team didn’t come out on top”.. OKAY. You already hired me so…) and came back to Edmonton pretty much living out of my car.

Of course my husbands let me stay with them! But they wouldn’t take rent money from me, which I hated. CJ had a bit of a life change and it worked out that us two single gals live it up outside of the big city! The only down side is that it adds a 20 minute drive to everything in life AND CJ and I are supposed to be on a diet and we help to justify each others ‘slip ups’!

I’ve been poking around online looking for work still in Ontario but no calls back yet. I work on an as needed basis for Titan Oilfield Services as a Welders Helper and Pipeline painter (that is code for everyone’s little bitch, but you have to start somewhere!!) and of course at the bar on weekends. I am so thankful to both bosses for keeping me around; especially the GM of Marquee nightclub, who has become my friend.

I have an interview tomorrow morning with Cenovus for some admin work. They are a massive company and I’ve impressed their HR team and hopefully I can start small and grow with them. Should this job workout, I will probably get home more often because it will be rotational work! YAY! I miss my nephew so damn much; I need to get back for a beach day with him!

And of course the news that you  have all been waiting for…

I’m engaged. His name is Tim. It is indeed my ex boyfriend. I just feel like I’m getting older and everyone out here by my age is married with kids and I want that, like, yesterday. And he’s never going to find anyone better than me so it works out for both of us.

OMG. You do know that I was dying laughing writing that, especially the last sentence?!!!!!  Man, if he ever sees that he will flip (nope, that won’t stop me from blogging this as well!!)!

I am finally enjoying being single…. Even if I have packed on a few pounds (There’s not a lot to do here and beer is delicious)! I went on a couple of dates with one guy but we were not a great fit (didn't I tell you about that?) and he’s become a lovely and entertaining friend (we run stairs together… and by run I mean skip the workout and go for wings and beers) and there was of course KKS of Toronto, the man of tall tales- the def did not work out, but I am otherwise continually blown away how easy it could potentially be to find a mate here.

There are so many damn guys here! The last few who have asked me out are from Toronto actually and are up here for work. But I think 20% of all of the manly men from across the country live in Alberta. I think it’s 2:1 guys:girls. But they’re all so loaded because of their work and it seems to cause this strange sense of entitlement which makes them incredibly unappealing.

But I am not man shopping, I am job hunting. 

Best job to make me the most money and become the biggest asset to the company I can be so that I can get transferred to a job in Ontario.

...I am thinking about becoming a welder. It would be terrifying territory for me but I like working with my hands and the time goes by quickly and it wouldn’t really matter where I lived in the world, I could work.

Can you imagine that? Me welding?!

I should just open a foster home and get it over with. Best job ever. Must decide what country to do it in….

I keep writing and every time I hit enter for a new paragraph I think of Chris telling me that my emails are too long.

CHRIS! MY LIFE IS SUPER EXCITING CAN’T YOU TELL?! THERE IS MUCH TO SAY. Not.

I will keep you posted on what happens with tomorrows interviews.

And even though I wish that the world could stop and wait for me and I miss you and missed your birthday, and the chance to meet up for drinks to hear about your vacation, your new houses and furniture, your amazing boyfriends you met online, your pregnancy and kids, how shitty being single in Toronto is, your wedding planning, your dog stories, your new fitness plan and new careers, please don’t actually stop living it up and loving your life. It’s all about the journey right?!

By My Side by Tyler Shaw just came on as I write this. Perfect. I dedicate it to you.