Friday, January 4, 2013

Dave's Hot Sauce = Diarrhea Detox

I was just discussing my love for winter with some friends.

I just love hiding my cute outfits under 12" thick jackets, ugly winter boots (because they don't make them cute AND warm, you have to pick one), mittens, earmuffs and thick wool scarves. As a matter of fact, I just love squeezing long-johns underneath that cute outfit to help maintain my normal homoeostatic levels.
I love my nose getting frozen by my sunglasses. I suppose I could wear no sunglasses, but then I'd have to love being blinded by the sun 'sparkling' off of the snow...
I love when my face gets so cold that I have trouble enunciating.
I love that the winter breeze makes my eyes water.
I love sliding down driveways in boots apparently designed to make you move like Bolt, with snow blowing in my face and the fear and panic of that being the last moment of your life.
I love the secure feeling of knowing that passing out in a snow bank is warmer than walking to my destination- it cuts the wind (true story- I was that cold).
I love getting to my destination before the steering wheel gets warm.
I love that the cold seeps into my bones and I feel like I'm recovering from the flu.
I just love winter.
I suppose that was a long list of first world problems...
Blah blah blah... how much longer until the summer?

All that I want to do is stay in bed until noon, especially since it's dark  until 9am anyway. And eat. And sip hot tea. And recall my summer days and my last vacation.
I don't want you to call me at 2pm and ask, 'why are you just getting up?'
I don't want questions about having a hot toddy or two (sp?) for breakfast.
It's not normal to wake up when it's still dark, especially on a weekend and start "getting things done" in the fucking dead of a Canadian winter.
What are you doing in the wee dark and cold hours of a winter morning, that you couldn't do the night before with a vodka soda? Seriously. Even scrap the vodka soda (maybe you're not drinking for the month of January like myself [minus the vodka soda and scotch neat I had today.I had to- I didn't want to be rude])?!? You can even grocery shop online and have that shit delivered so that you don't have leave the house.

I suppose I'm annoyed by the cold, not so much winter. Snow is pretty.
And morning people.
I promised my Sauga mom that I'd vacuum tomorrow. She get's up at 8am. That's in 6 hours and 11 minutes.
I'm going to wash up for bed and then put my clothes for Saturday on... that way I can just get out of bed like being up early makes me feel like a better woman and vacuum bright and early like I mean it.
Expected nap time tomorrow: 10am.

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