you can't tell people you're drowning if your mouth is filled with water.

i stole the title of this blog from Mama's BBM. she stole it from an oppressed woman on Oprah.
one of my oldest and dearest friends, my bestie, her dad passed away suddenly this morning. and i cried a bit, did some business, went to work. work didn't work out because whenever someone asked how are you, i cried.
so i went and got my nails done because i figured that would require no brain power and i'd fall asleep. instead i cried a bit and thought about how i didn't want to come home because i wouldn't be alone here either, what with a sniveling sick roomie watching movies on the couch.
but i came back to the apt anyway. i had a nap, made some dvds for my packages i plan on handing out and called Bestie to see if i could order her family swiss chalet for dinner. swiss chalet is always good right? they weren't hungry bc they had so much food there. then her brother got in from his long drive from the states and she had to go. she was crying.
i hope she doesn't read this.

my new friend, Mama, is taking me for dindin with some of her vip people so i'm trying not to think about life and its fragility. Mama drinks and drives. ironic. He died in his car.

i don't believe people when they say death is peaceful or painless. and i don't believe i would ever be okay if my father never walked me down the aisle or saw me buy my first home or have a kid.i could go on because my dad  loves more than just me; there would be a lot to miss.

i know our parents r headed towards that age when they have to accept that they are closer to death than than they are to more living, but i'm not ready to accept it. and i'm not ready for anyone i love to be.
BACK UP time, we still have so much living to do.

and God damn her damn laughter in the background. it's not even her fault. but damn it anyway