Thursday, January 6, 2011

Sibling Rivalry?

I don't know other people who argue with their siblings like I argue with my sister. Maybe it's because we're so close in age and had to live in such close quarters, sharing rooms most of our lives?
We're sooo different. She is really caring and can be shy, she never runs out of energy and she is as sexy as they come; she's also very disciplined. We used to try to be twins, but  I grew out of it. We used to play  basketball together but she grew out of it. Since then, our relationship has just never been the same.
I had moved out of my moms house by then and was the only kid living with my dad; leaving behind and opening up so many cans of worms- but I'll tell you all about that in my biography I'll one day write.
There are things about her I can't stand and I don't think that's normal because I have two other siblings and they might annoy me but I can always stand them. I am sure there are things about me that she can't stand.
But the things about her I can't stand I forget about once I've stopped standing for it and we have a few days apart; I always forget. Because she is such a beautiful person.
She's always ragging on me because I let people treat me like shit all the time and she hates to see it. But she does some of the same things she see's others do to me as well. I find it confusing. I don't get it. She's dating this douche. She already dated him and he treated her like shit. Not as shitty as a boyfriend I once had, but almost as bad. I hate it. And I don't get that either.
She's also always nagging on herself because she's learning how short her fuse is and that it's affected her relationships.
But she doesn't noticed when her fuse has blown,  blown all the rest of the fuses in the room and left smoke in the air until days and hours after; it's always too late.
Sometimes, like most of us, she doesn't understand other peoples behaviour or doesn't take a minute to walk in their shoes and blows a a fuse and says and does things she can never take back. like keying cars and running up credit card bills and calling people names and never admitting to any of it.
She did that today- the fuse thing, actually it started a few days ago but I figured because she had ignored my responses that she had figured out that she was angry for no reason, but she made it worse today. And today I thought, nope, not today. today i'm not going to let you get away with this. I told her I was done with her and stopped communicating. I randomly started crying at every little thing today, but I knew it wasn't the little thing, it was this big thing with me and my sister.
You don't get to choose your family. Especially your sister. And you'd have to be a mean soul to really 'be done' with your own blood- but I really feel like I've taken enough shit and I'm not going to come and apologize to her just so she'll apologize to me. Because I don't think, no, I know I didn't do anything wrong.
One time when she thought she was right, she didn't talk to our dad for 2 years and he was childish enough to go along with it. I don't want to be like that,but maybe I will be. He still gave her birthday cards and told her to come by anytime she was ready to apologize.

You can however, choose your friends. Some days, I think that if we weren't sisters, we might have been great enemies in our younger days.
But. She's one of my best friends. Sometimes. Can you choose when your friend is your best friend and other times someone you wish wasn't part of you?
I think she's broken my heart more than everyone I know combined. She almost always makes it better though by just being herself- never apologizes, I just seem to forget. That counts right?
This is all perfectly normal... right?

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