Hey Dude, You should know this

So there is this guy I randomly fool around with.... rewooooord! There is this guy I occasionally make out with. I would love to do "more" but he's one of those passive aggressive types and he also doesn't take any initiative, certainly doesn't take charge. ...Ok fine, so we've only gotten together twice and made out; regardless, take charge a bit!
I think he should know that if he doesn't learn where and how to kiss a girl on the neck soon, he will be doomed to a shitty sex life, for life. Like even shittier than mine, because he'll be getting laid once (like I ever do... that's beside the point) and then these girls will never talk to him again and he won't know why.

And don't you guys know that girls have code for things, that we know you understand, so we don't need you to repeat them in more direct terms?
Like, you're getting all hot and heavy and the girl says, "I just don't feel like it" Umm.. obviously she feels like it!.. And we know you know what that means. I mean it's not like she wasn't already participating... you don't have to say, "Oh, you got you're rag huh?" And don't say 'rag'- it's disgusting.

When a girl says anything like "I need to go get my nails done, or I have to shave, or do my eyebrows or get waxed, or freshen my hair cut " do not respond with 'yeah, I noticed'. Inappropriate. Also slightly hurtful, that you noticed we're flawed and perhaps were staring at it, or thinking something about self-care. We just pointed out to you that we need to do some maintenance so give us a minute to do it and go with silence on these comments- it's golden. Besides, how many of those chores listed do you have to do on a daily, weekly, monthly basis? Backup! :)

When you're complimenting a girl, please don't insult her friends/sisters/mother. "You're way prettier than your friend".... Ummm.. Thanks?

Also. Spanx. Those are a girls secret weapon. So should you get a lady into bed and she's got some spanks on, pretend like you don't notice them while she peels them off; they're humiliating enough.
That guy I referred to before, grabbed my ass one day while we were stealing a kiss and he said, "you want to come over later?" and I replied, "mmmm, maybe, but I'm not sure I feel like it." He looked at me for a second and started to walk away, turned back and said, "by the way, your ass feels great! I can tell you've been working out."

Ummm... I haven't been to the gym in almost two years (yikes!!) and does that mean my ass was squishy to you before? - I had also just so happened to be wearing spanks that day because my 'rag' was due and I was feeling bloated.

I just thought I'd share that with you because I chuckle about these moments all the time... Might as well laugh at it; better than crying!